My name is Carolyn I am a Caregiver for my husband Chuck of 46 years.
Sunday August 1, 1999
Got up this morning around 6:30 Am got ready for the day going
to Church this morning at 9:00 Denise got up around 7:30. It is going to
be another hot day thank Heavens for A/C. Tom and Matthew got up around
8:30 this is a busy place. We got back from church and went to the Red
Robin for lunch and they surprise Paige with ice cream and balloons it
was a big surprise and sang Happy Birthday. After eating we went to see
the house it is very nice I 'm so excited for them it will be a lot of
work moving though. Denise & Tom went to sign the papers when they
come back we will leave for the Trout Farm to fish and have the Birthday
Party. Right now I am with
Matthew and Paige. Sommer called and we talked she is having
a baby soon and just bought a house and is feeling a little stressed with
everything going on. Her dad is coming down and bringing baby furniture
that they won't be using anymore. She hasn't seen him over three years.
He has never paid child support and they finally caught up with him after
15 years. It can never be settled till he pays what he owes. But she has
forgiven him and that is what she should do. Life is short you
should not have ought against anyone. Make peace in your life and go on.
Denise came home we left for the Trout Farm and the birthday party. Just
got home didn't get to stop and see Chuck it was to late 9:30pm I called
but he was sleeping, will call tomorrow.
Had a good time had a busy and fun day. Chuck would have laugh
at me trying to fish because he was a great fisherman. First of all I won't
put the bait on the hook scared of worms and don't know how to cast the
line out. But I kept telling them that I was going to get a fish and it
would be the biggest one of the day. I had faith believing it would
happen. Well I got a few nibbles but I did set with the fishing pole then
I tried to cast the line and the pole slipped out of my hands into the
lake. It was so funny Tom's dad got it out for me and they put more bate
on it. I started to fish again but so far the ones that caught a fish were
really small so they threw them back in. Then I decided to call it quits
because I was just setting so I started to reel the line in and low and
behold there was a fish on the end of the line. WOW I was so excited
because I didn't even know I had a fish it was bigger then the rest but
it was not large so I told the boy to throw it back in. So that was my
big fishing story for the day. Then the girls open their presents Paige
got a fishing pole and a lot of other nice gifts. We went to eat it was
a very nice buffet we had chicken, pepper steak, fish, salad, potatoes,
rolls, vegetables, macroni salad, and of course birthday cake coffee, or
soda. It was a very nice place rustic but beautiful setting for members
only. I love it never been to any place like this before. Next time will
take Chuck he loves it they always do family things together. I see the
fun and enjoyment that they have together the grandsons all work at the
car dealerships preparing them to take over some day. The grandpa treats
the all great and you can see how much they love him. Oh well that is there
life not mind It is 11:00 pm going to bed and get some rest. Thank you
Lord for another great day goodnight. Angels watching over me and Chuck.
Well another rested night slept great feel great this morning will see what the Lord has for me today. Will call Chuck later and talk to him after breakfast. Just finished some e-mail and will take a shower after they leave for work. Stayed home today and wash clothes and cleaned the house feel very lonely today don't know what is wrong. I guess it is because it would have been my mother's birthday if she were still alive I really miss her I was able to talk to her and she understudies. I don't know why the Lord allows bad
things to happen to good people but it does. I really need my mother now wish she was here I feel so lost and it has been many years since she died. Denise is at a church meeting so I didn't get to go see Chuck but will go tomorrow they just have so much going on in there lives no time to think about anything else. I was feeling restless and out of sorts all day maybe a better day tomorrow I pray. It is 8:00 PM haven't received any e-mail today I kept in touch with quite a few. Have to do things differently tomorrow will try to have a plan or I will get so depressed I won't be any good to Chuck or myself. It was go good to hear his voice they are taking good care of him he had
a shower and they shaved him and cut his hair. During the day they have been leaving the diaper off of him since he does know when he has to go to the bathroom. It was too hard for him to get the diaper down and back up and sometimes there was no one to help him. Lord please guide me in what I am to do and how our lives will turn out I
just don't know what to do or what to hold on to anymore. Is this all my life is going to be one decision after another. Still haven't made plans for Arizona yet I need to call Loretta and see when is the best time to come down. Will do that tonight it is a little after 5:00 PM their now. Just going to relax for the evening and get more rest it is working I don't feel the stress like I had before but this is only a temporary. I don't know what will happen later when he comes home. I do know it is just him and I and the Lord that is all I see in the picture. Going to bed goodnight will see what the day holds tomorrow. Lord be with Chuck and God Bless all my friends.
Well today is another day in my life of an Alzheimer's wife. Didn't sleep well last night to much on my mind didn't fall asleep till after midnight tossed and turned all night and got up this morning around 5:30am. Everyone left for work at 8:30 am so I had time to think on things and what I want for my life. Haven't come up with any answers yet but have been praying about it. Straighten up the place and then sent some e-mail
out but rested most of the day didn't feel to good my stomach hurts. Will try to go see Chuck later if all goes well. Denise is upset about the house and different things will talk to her later. Dorothy sent me two beautiful poems she wrote CIRCUMSTANCE, I CAN SEE YOU they made my day she has so much talent and God is really using her.
A lot of things going on around here Denise with her job at the church and them buying a home getting the house inspection and all the good stuff that goes
along with it.
Denise came home not feeling very well and I wasn't feeling good so rested and then we went out to eat at Frankie's I had chicken wings. Then we went to see Chuck I took him a piece of Paige's birthday cake he ate it all. He looks fine the cut his hair bald he had a shave he was fine. We stayed for a few hours and left he never asks to come home with me. I gave him a big hug twice and kissed him he was smiling. He did know Denise and he didn't know my name but I know he knew me. I ask him if he remembered anything about our life he said no he didn't. So that ended my day he ask when we were going to come back again I told him Thursday he said fine and goodbye. We left the traffic was terrible was glad to get home it was going on 8:00pm Denise had some phone calls and Tom was playing golf with his dad and was at the country club. He came home and we all talked about things it is time to go to bed now. I will close my journal tonight I feel a little better now. Heard from Brenda Sue, Dorothy, Kate, Starr today answered all the e-mail was so glad to hear from them. Lord I ask you to watch over all of my friends and keep them safe, also be with Chuck. This ends another day in the life of an Alzheimer's wife I miss him so.
Slept good last night got up at 5:00am then went back to bed till 7:30am things are hectic around here with her job and the house. Will just have to wait and see what happen time will tell what road they should go on. I am excited about going to Arizona to see my sister I made plane reservations already just have to pick up the tickets will stay for a week. I called her to tell her the good news. I really don't like to fly but I feel this is something I have to do for my self. I haven't been there for seven years. She is happy and can't wait so we can spend time together. Denise is here so if they need anything for Chuck they can call her she is only half-hour away. Went to pick up my tickets to Arizona and stopped at the store then I came home. Denise was home from the meeting sick she is in bed and won't talk it is about her job. So I am letting her rest I fixed dinner for Paige and Tom it is almost 6:00 PM will write more later Tom just got
home. Things got hectic around here an irate father came to the door and was furious about and incident that happen in day care. He was yelling and threading Denise because she is the administrator he wouldn't let her say a word. This is the worse thing I have ever seen and heard in my life. I can't believe people are like that she might be the administrator but it wasn't her fault she can't control everything that happens all day long. That is why she has workers to be responsible for their job. Anyway she was told to fill our an incident report to the police because last Wed the man just walked into her home and didn't even knock and now this time Mr. M. came back he is harassing her now. There are people looking into it but he is going to sue everyone her, her family, the church and anyone else he can. Lord I just pray that this gets settled
it's so out of hand. For the first time I am really scared for my self-being here and for her family. When this gets settled I would like to see her at a different job the way the law is now you have no protection for your self against anyone. We cried and talked and then went to bed it is very stressful and I am so sorry that I see this entire happening. Going to bed it is very late. Lord I know you have everything under control. Will see what tomorrow holds all we can do is pray.
Thursday August 5, 1999
Good Morning world today is a brand new day and will see what
it brings. Slept pretty good considering what happen last night with the
irate father. I was never so scared in all my life but he sure but the
fear in me. Got up at 7:30am Denise was up getting ready for work. Today
is Paige's birthday so she stayed home with me. Made her take a shower
and wash her hair so that she can be pretty and we are going to lunch.
I also took a shower and wash my hair we are dressed now. I washed some
clothes and straighten up the place. Not to much to do today so I sent
off last nights journal this morning and will write in my book still collecting
material it is slow because I am not home. Will go see Chuck tonight. I
really needed him last night he has always been my support when things
were bad and I was crying. But now he can't and would not understand but
would cry his self if he sees me crying. I am so glad he was
not here to hear the threats. I called Denise she is still down I want
to take her to lunch she will call me later. Well we went to lunch Chinese
food it is Paige birthday and they gave her a big dish of ice cream. We
sat and talked I told her she needs to get out of doing day-care find a
different kind of job. To many problems with children and their parents.
We came home dropped her off at work and sat and watched some
TV and send out some e-mail. We are planning on going out to celebrate
Paige's birthday and Tom will have his son Matthew tonight also. Well took
a nap feel refresh it is 5:00pm called and talked to the Social Worker
David he told me Chuck is doing really good and recommended to the VA nursing
home that he would be fine in it. I also asked him if you would write something
for a story or book I am writing about care givers and Alzheimer's he said
he could and for me to call him Monday and we would talk about it that
is exciting. Am going over to see Denise at work. We went to see Chuck
he was trying to get up out bed he had to go to the bathroom he was ready
for bed looked clean was shaved and was happy to see us. I made sure he
brushed his teeth before we left and put him back
in bed he was content. We had to go over to Tom's dad house we
talked didn't get home till midnight. Checked the e-mail no mail going
to bed. Thank you Lord for a peaceful day and taking good care of Chuck
I love him so and he did know Denise and called my name when he was in
the bathroom. Goodnight angels watching over me.
Woke up this morning didn't sleep to well last night it was after midnight before I got to bed. With all the stuff going on around here it is hard to rest. Denise and Tom left for work so I cleaned up the house and washed the clothes then got dress and ready for the day. Called VA and talked to Sue Chuck is fine and he had a shower and shaved she told me. I called Denise to tell her I was going up the street she was in a meeting I know that they are discussing the incident. I went up the street and stopped in a few shops couldn't find anything then went to COMP USA look at laptops they are to expensive for me to buy. Came home and saw all the box in the room and thought those are Denise they must of let her go. Came into the house Denise was setting on the couch and told me she was suspended and Iooked at the table and saw the most beautiful
red roses and thought they let her go and gave her flowers. But she said those are from your friend I was so surprise they were sent for Chuck to his two women in his life. I am telling you we both just set and cried. Because I just told her this morning and I was crying that her dad couldn't be here for her. The Lord used my dear friend to bless us both. Thank you Jesus you just made our day. Please bless my friend abundantly
and pray that they have a good day. Denise still feels bad but her life will go on to something different God never closes a door that he doesn't open a window. Thank you Jesus. We got the flowers and we went out to eat and celebrated the new path she
will be taken. I wanted her to get out of being Responsible for children a long time ago and maybe this is something good that took place. I know she did the best job that she could end of message. We went to eat at Joe's had good chicken soup and corn beef sandwich then we stopped. At Dilliards then we came home I went to get Paige and Denise is resting Tom went golfing. Fed Paige and she's watching TV and I am writing in my journal It is 5:00pm am excited about going to Arizona and Denise is going with me we will have a good trip. Going to bed early tonight-long trip tomorrow.
This will end my day thank you Lord.
Saturday August 7, 1999
Woke up this morning around 7:30am went back to sleep then got
up at 9:30am.
everyone was up already. I got dressed and packed things we left
for Cincinnati at 11:00am Tom day loan his van it was nice and conforable
but it is a long trip.We
stopped for lunch at the Cracker Barrel very good food. I bought
a small gift and
they wrapped it for me. We left and ran into a lot of traffic
Denise is a very good
driver. Arrived at the motel at 4:00 pm it wasn't as nice as
I thought it would be but
it will be ok. Sommer and Josh came then Josh left we all went
shopping then to the mall Applebee's. I had some good chicken wings but
we had to wait 30 minutes.
We took Sommer home that was a long ride then we got back to
the motel I took a shower And went to bed. Paige toss and turn most of
the night her legs hurt she
said. But she Finally fell asleep. The end of a day's jouney
thank you Lord for a safe trip and be with Chuck I love him so.
Sunday August 8, 1999
I woke up at 5:30 didn't feel good my stomach hurt I took something
for it and went
Back to bed. Slept till 8:30am got up took a shower then went
back to lay down
Lord I miss Chuck I cried I wish things were different. I don't
know how I will make it
Without him. I'm trying to be strong but that is a front. I hold
my true feeling from everyone. Sommer's baby shower is at 4:00pm and we
have to out of the motel at
11:00am. We went to Denny's my treat for breakfast that took
an hour. Then we went
to a few Other stores. Dropped Tom off at Sommer's house Josh
and Tom are going
golfing. Today is Josh & Sommer first anniversary they will
be going out to
celebrate after The baby shower. Denise and I went to a few more
stores we bought a stroller for the baby Sommer. Picked it out. I had made
him two baby afagans and bought him a lot of little things Before and gave
them to her. Arrived at the house at 4:00pm a lot of people were there
she received a lot of nice gifts. We left at 5:30 for the long ride
home. A lot of traffic and it was a long trip. Don't want to do that again.
Praise God we made it. It was nice going in a van a lot more
comfortable.
We got home around 10:00pm check the e-mail and went to bed.
Thank the Lord for getting us home safe. Goodnight
Monday August 9. 1999
I am really getting my rest didn't get up till 6:30am took a
shower. I want to go see
Chuck today and go home if I can. It is 9:30am went
to Denny's for breakfast then Denise had to take some paper to the attorney
then Marilyn called and wanted to go look at houses at 4:00am she wanted
me to go also. So I won't be going home till tomorrow. We went to the Mall
till the attorney came in from court. We went to look at houses came home
6:30pm I will go home tomorrow and stay home till Sunday. It has been a
busy day but need to go home and pay the bills. It is 8:30pm will call
and see how Chuck is and call it a day. He is doing fine the nurse said.
I do check up on him and he is clean and his clothes are clean so I have
no Complaints. He is taken good care of. Goodnight Lord thank you for another
day.
Tuesday August 10, 1999
Woke up with a headache at 3:00am took something for it and went
back to bed.
Got up at 7:00am took a shower and got dressed. I fixed a nice
breakfast for everyone.
It is 8:30am everyone is up now eating Tom left for work Denise
is not herself.
They called and wanted her to sign a paper if she didn't they
would terminate her
but the attorney told her not to sign anything. Paige went to
daycare she is a sweetheart. Denise is very upset but I know God has it
all under control he will work
things out. Called social worker he is not in so I will talk
to him when I go in this
afternoon. Chuck was in the hallway when I called out his name
he looked but at that
point he didn't Know who we were then he smiled and was happy
to see us. I stayed for awhile Denise left I wanted for the social worker
he came we had a good talk. Then I left got home ok went to pick up the
mail it is so good to be home. I was tired I called it a night early and
went to bed. Jesus you are so good to me I praise your holy name Goodnight.
Wednesday August 11, 1999
I woke up didn't feel well stayed home all morning his brother
came to fix the shingles
So that is done now I feel good about that. I went to the bank
and paid some bills but almost didn't make it home I was so sick. My stomach
hurt so bad must be a 24-hour virus. Came home took a shower then laid
Down for awhile. I call someone about the A/C not working and it was very
hot in here but they never Called back I called three times. Talked to
Lil then went to bed it is awful to be sick and alone I was in bed till
morning thank you Lord for watching over me another day gone by in my life.
Goodnight.
Thursday August 12, 1999
Woke up at 6:00am was a little better would take it easy today
and eat light. Was on the computer talking to Char told her I was going
back to bed it was almost 9:30 am when I woke up again Denise called to
see how I was I told her I just woke up. She is going to go see Chuck and
wanted to come and get me I told her I would stay Sunday. Ate breakfast
called the doctor then went to Wal-Mart got some 7-up for the stomach came
home stayed in all afternoon. The air is working a little so it is nice
in here today.
Seems like I can't get things caught up like I am moving in slow
motion I don't know
What is wrong? Haven't answered my e-mail behind on my journal
want to get things
Packed nothing done. Oh well another day for sure. The man came
to fix the A/C I thank God for that Chuck's brother knew this man so that
is why he came as a favor I was so thankful. Then he fixed the board on
the ramp for me. Took a shower got on the web and talked on ICQ for a while
then went to be it is 11:00 I am tired. Goodnight Jesus another day gone
by.
Friday August 13, 1999
Slept pretty good woke up at 5:00am posted the wake up call on
Passage then talked to Char then went back to bed. Will try to get
more done today. Sent Harriet a birthday card it is tomorrow. Called Lil
and told her the air condition was fixed. She wants me to go to eat fish
tonight I told her I would see. Got dressed went to breakfast with the
senior citizen at Dino's a lot there this morning. Left and went to pay
the cable bill then to Wal-Mart. Walked around and bought a bag to carry
my medicine on the plane instead on in the suitcase. Went to the snack
bar and some seniors were there said hello to all of them Norma and Mr.
Ed so I sat and talked to him for awhile. He gave me an old Indian head
penny I really appreciated that and thanked him. I later found out that
Mr. Thomas the manager had a mild heart attach and was in the
hospital he is only 42.
Talked to Ted he just had heart surgery and now has blockage
in one of the carotid
artery he was upset so I talked to him and said I will be praying
for him. Left Wal-Mart and went to Optiview to get my glasses adjusted
asked for Sue and she is in the hospital a car accident? Stopped by my
Alzheimer's chapter and talked to Dorothy and Kathy ask
them if they could write something for my book and told her the
title. She said she would just as soon as they move and the fair
is over. She told me to stop by their
booth I told her I would if I go. So I came home and called Sue
she was happy to hear from me, she has a blood clot in her lung.
Told her I will be praying for her she asked about Chuck and I told her
he is doing fine. Lil called and wanted to know if I was going to go out
to eat I told her no. Was glad I stayed home my stomach was acting up again.
Had two soft boiled eggs and toast? Canned the tomatoes that I had and
will put them away for the winter. Had a busy day didn't do my packing
yet. Don't think I will go to Amish country tomorrow will stay home.
Loretta called and I called her back it is all settled for out trip we
will go to Tucson on Thursday and Friday August 19 and 20 come back Saturday
she said that was fine with her. I pray it all works out and I feel good.
I pray Jesus that you heal me and let this trip be a blessed one.
Checked my e-mail and received a surprised…..My friendly Sky Continental
reservation person sent me a copy of a poem he wrote. It was beautiful
so I shared it with my Christian Alzheimer's Support Group on the web called
Passage. It is strange how God works in peoples lives and mine he brings
people into our lives as we need them to help along the way as you are
going through hard time. I never understood why he allowed my old friends
to leave but I see now how much I have grown and have gotten stronger.
If it did work this way so many new friends would not have blessed me.
They understand and have been her for me my newest poem My Angel Friend
It really should read friends because I have many on the internet. Of course
I just stay on the Alzheimer's sites.
Also the VA has been a lifeline to Chuck and I with all the help
for him and it has helped me get stronger being the sole caregiver 24 hours
a day I call it my 48-hour day is very hard to handle. But I will do it
as long as I am able I don't want him in a nursing home yet. When it is
time I will know it and I will be able to handle it. This
man that I have lived with for over 46 years since I was a young
girl is still the light of my life. Lord take good care of Chuck while
I'm away. Thank you Jesus for the ay…and bless all my friends. Goodnight.
Saturday August 14, 1999
Got up this morning around 7:00am took a shower and ate breakfast
my stomach
feels a lot better today. Then I worked on my journal want to
have it updated before
I leave tomorrow. Started to pack my suitcase have it almost
ready. Called Peggy and
Told her I didn't want to go to Amish country today it was raining.
She said she didn't
have to go because Kim came up to get Michael that worked out
fine. So I got dressed it was already almost 11:00am I'm still running
in slow motion I don't know why I can't get started in the morning. I us
to be up and out by 9:00am. I guess It's because Chuck isn't here I don't
have to move If I don't want to. Went to Austintown and ate lunch stopped
by Lil's and dropped off a paper for her, visit for about 2 hours came
home and worked on my journal it is all caught up. Praise God for that
a weight lifted of me. I will try to keep it up while I am in Arizona and
put it on a disk. Sure wish I had a laptop……to do my book that I started.
I want to focus on that When I get back for sure. VA called Sue the nurse
said Chuck want to talk to me. He told me he wants to come home I told
him I am going to Arizona and he is in respite care for a few weeks. He
seemed to understand and said ok. I will see him tomorrow and when I come
home I
will stop and see him again. Talked to Sue and she wanted my
web sites to check it out
so I gave them to her and she said Chuck is doing fine. For me
to enjoy my vacation he
is taken good care of. She also asked me if he was going to the
VA home I told her no
I want to keep him home yet. I don't feel he is ready for a nursing
home yet I will know when it is time and if I can't handle him anymore.
I say again the VA has been a blessing to us with all there help. It is
3:30pm going to take a nap I am tired. Got back up washed my hair then
got on the computer all caught up with my journal. Talked to Denise she
will come down tomorrow. Talked on Icq with my friend then went to bed
it was 11:00pm. I thank the Lord for all he has done for me and Chuck will
see him
tomorrow. Goodnight Jesus
Sunday August 15, 1999
Slept really good woke up around 7:00am got dressed for the day
ate breakfast and
Denise called they are going to look at a house today. Then she
will bring Paige down
I will go back with her we will stop and see chuck on the way.
Peggy will be up in
Cleveland and I will come home with her on the weekend. It will
work out fine.
Talked to Lil this morning said our goodbye. Went to the mall
for awhile then went to a card shop bought the cutest cuddly bear called
the Waffle bear. Got home and finished getting my stuff together had the
Nicest e-mail from my Friendly Sky Airline ticked agent. Gave me information
about searching for my roots. Thank you so much Kelly I know you keep up
with my journal. Your poem is wonderful and will post it as soon as I get
back. Denise came and we took Paige to Aunt Peg's and started home we stopped
to see Chuck he was laying down and I looked at him, he turn
and was so happy to see
us. We went into the dinning room and I gave him some snacks
and fruit and we talked.
He was wet down the front and the girl took him to change him.
She brought him back and took his shoes to wash. He was so worried about
his shoes said he needed then tomorrow so I took him where the washer was
and showed him they were nice and clean by tomorrow he will have
them to put on he said ok. I walked him to his room and he was going to
lie down. I hugged him and he said he loved me I told him I love him too.
As I started to walk away which is very hard for me to do. I turned
and saw him crying. I said why are you crying he said because I don't want
you to leave. I told him not to cry that it made me feel bad and after
my trip I will be taking him home on September 9. I told him I would call
him tomorrow he said ok and with that I left. It was a very emotional thing
for me I want to help him so much and I can't then I felt the guilt coming
back again because I am healthy and he is sick. I always though he would
be The one to take care of me. I know he could make it on his own
if it was reversed.
But it isn't and I am left floundering out her not knowing what
I am doing. I just don't
Understand God why this has happen like this. I have no answers
but I do know that
God has our life in his hand and has everything under control.
Well I will call it a night. Thank you Jesus for another blessed day. I
love you Lord.
Slept good last night got up at 7:00am and took a shower and got dressed ready to face the day. Talked to Sommer this morning she is doing fine wait for the baby to come
and they are buying house she is happy. They are young and just starting out their lives raising children, working, and see what life has for them down the road. Good things I pray. Denise still doesn't know what time her meeting is they haven't called.
Would like to go to some stores today and look around but first want to call Chuck and see how he is doing. Called Chuck and they had him outside so I talked to the nurse she said he is fine and they will have him called me when he gets in. Well before lunch he called and said who is this I said your wife he said who I said Caroline. He went ok I asked where he was and he said outside setting in the sun I ask him what does he want to talk about he said anything and anyone I just want to talk to someone. Not sure he
even knows who he was talking to. But that is fine we talked told him I was going to Arizona to see Loretta he said ok. Denise talked to him and then I told him I would call again later for him to go eat lunch. I told him to be good and to listen to Sue he said
he would. I asked him if he had a shower he said yes he was all cleaned up. I told him I love him and we said goodbye. Denise and I went to look at the condo it is beautiful it won't be ready till Oct. she can pick the things out that she wants it is in a wonderful neighborhood. I know they will be happy their and it is only 16 miles from the VA hospital. We went to Frankies and had lunch came home she has a meeting when they
call her and one tonight at 4:30. Things don't look good for Denise's job I feel so bad for her but I can't help her. We talked about things so it is in God's hands. Going to end this early because want to get to bed early and have stuff all done. I thank you Lord for the day and be with us tomorrow as we fly out and let us have a good time.
Want to forget our troubles for awhile. Goodnight Lord and I love you the end of another caregivers day in the Life of an Alzheimers.
Got up 3:30am had a panic attack just realized all that has happen with enise's job and flying to Phoenix. But I did fall back to sleep then got up at 6:30 and started to get things ready for the trip. We went to the airport around 8:00am checked in and got my seat next to the exit seats two in a row. Very good seat but Denise had to set in back
of me, which was fine with her. We are taxing getting ready for the take off I prayed that we would have a very good trip we both needed this at this time.
We are flying through the air it is 10:00am one hour already it is wonderful looking out at the clouds so beautiful and looks so soft and fluffy like you could just reach out and touch them. They are serving breakfast now and some are watching a movie. I was setting next to a very nice man who has been so helpful to me with the seat belt and the pillow so we talk almost all the way. He told me some of his life he was an attorney had gone to school in Cleveland now lived in Rhode Island. I told him some of my story and gave him my web site to visit he said when he gets home he will look at. See how good God is he had the perfect person to set next to me and he gave me a lot of good advice about my book? What to do on the legal side of it I said how much do I owe you for this advise he just laugh. He also was an Italian and was telling me about Italy which was very interesting since that is what I am and have never been to Italy. We landed and was so happy to see Elmer he was waiting for us he just came from work and had his work close on. But going through securityy he bell went off so he had to take everything out of his pockets and it still went off. He told them it was his shoes, which were safety toes, and yes that was what it was. <SMILE>
We got home hugged my sister, and Elmer went back to work and we went to some stores and looked around. It was hot, hot, hot, came back home and waited for Elmer then we went back out to the mall they were buying some new furniture. We ate at a very nice place called the Wilderness it made you feel like you were in Montana at night, very nice and, very good food. I was so tired it was 8:00pm and my time would be 11:00pm they laugh at me because I am still on Ohio time. By the time we got home it
was late. Oh yes the waiter gave me something (Arizona rocks) as a welcome gift. I thought that was great we come home I went to bed couldn't sleep I was so wound up toss and turned. Denise gave me a pill at 5:00am Tylenol PM I went back to sleep. The end of another day of my respite cares for being an Alzheimer's caregiver. Thank You Lord for everything.
Wednesday August 18, 1999
Woke up at 3:30 couldn't sleep went back to bed fell asleep didn't
get up till 9:00 am . It felt really good to get the much needed rest.
Ate breakfast and then got dressed for the day. Loretta is getting some
furniture redone and the man was coming at 11:00pm to give her a
price. After that we went shopping and to eat lunch had some very
good chicken wings then went to buy some fruit. Came home took a nap. Was
going
swimming but it is to hot in the sum will try tomorrow morning.
Loretta and Denise are taking a nap before dinner. Elmer grilled pork chops
they were good. We cleaned up the kitchen then just relaxed for the evening.
It is so beautiful out here in Arizona but very hot people are very friendly.
My dear friend called we will see them tomorrow in Tucson am excited
about that. Kim called Paige is doing fine, Sommer called she didn't have
the baby yet. She can't wait and I can't wait for my great grand
son Dylan. So far all is well went to bed at 9:30pm had a very good day.
I want to thank you again Lord for being with us. Keep watch over Chuck
Goodnight.
I slept very well last night and got up at 7:30am ate breakfast Denise was up we talked. We are getting ready for our trip to Tucson today Lord make it a good trip. It will take about 2 ½ hours to get there. Will check into the motel first then call my friends and let them know we are here. Will spend most of the day with them. Later will go out to dinner. Lord I pray that you make this a fun and enjoyable trip Denise want's to
see her mother-in-law- Carol also. We left for Tucson around 11:15 I was nervous about the trip thruough the desert. But it was a wonderful drive and we made good time the speed limit was 75 miles per hour. Lord I want to thank you for making this
trip possiable and showing me things that I have never seen before. We arrived in Tucson around 1:00pm went to the motel to check into the room it was beautiful two queen size beds, microwave, two phones, hairdrier,referg, had flowers, popcorn, coffee, tea, fruit, juice, water, and a lot of snacks, candy bars, chips, box of candy and a beautiful Ty bear all for me I felt like a queen it was wonderful to feel so special.
Denise and I had a great time. Called my friends and she called her mother-in-law we were invited to her place for lunch tomorrow. Went to Denny's for lunch and a couple came in and the man said to me did it rain this morning I said I don't know I am not from Tucson He said I wondered because your hair is rusted. We all laugh and we talked to them and they were from Ohio but moved to Arizona. Went back to the motel and freshen up and called our friends and went over to see them. They have a beautiful apartment very nice I could live there. Then I saw my first monsoon it was wonderful to see it for the first time. We sat and talked then we went to Black Angus steak house. I
had prime rid it was delouse the first time I have every ate it. We had appetizers of zucchini, garlic bread with cheese we were very full it was the best meal I had in a long time I love it. Came back to the motel at 8:30pm It was a wonderful evening Took a shower and called it a day thank you Lord for making my dream possible. Angles watch over Chuck to night the end of a wonderful day.
I slept very good but woke up at 3:30 then fell back to sleep then got up at 6:30am had a dream and cried seems like I couldn't fine my glasses and I couldn't see with out them and I was looking all over and didn't remember where I had put them. It is terrible to not be able to remember I was talking to Denise and started to cry. All the emotions I have been feeling just seemed to let loose inside of me and I couldn't stop crying.
I felt the pain and the loss I feel the Lord allowed this to happen so that I could better understand this terrible decease of Alzheimer's. Got dressed and we went to a breakfast Buffet at the motel. It was very good I had scrambled eggs, toast, sweet roll apple watermelon, and cantaloupe. We are going to the store Denise wants to get some flowers for her mother-in-law. We are going to Saddlebrook for lunch still can't believe the wonderful dinner we had last night. We went to Carol's for lunch her home is beautiful and is having a swimming pool but in. We stayed and talked with them and Marty is so funny had a good time. Shared with them about Chuck then we left and went back to the motel. Called my friends and we are going to the Olive Garden for dinner. Was at their home talking when we had another monsoon rain it was beautiful to watch. The we went to eat it was another good meal came home said our goodbye. The end of a wonderful night in Tucson. Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for us and a wonderful time we had I was blessed. Goodnight Chuck angles watching over you.
Got up this morning around 2:30 am and was crying felt very emotional. But fell back to sleep and got up around 7:00am got dressed and went to breakfast it was very good. Denise and I went back to the room till check out time. We talked to sommer she didn't have the baby yet Denise mother-in-law called Loretta and told her we were on our way. Then my friend called and we stopped over to say our goodbye it was very hard I
felt the pain that he was in. But we left on our way to Phoenix and stopped at different places and bought things it was a lot of fun and sad at the same time. The end of a wonderful visit in Tucson thank you Lord for making this possible I will never forget it.
Arrived home around 5:00pm with more then we took but it was good to be home and to rest. Had a good dinner Anita and Trey are here .Trey just walked into the room to talk to me and I told him I would put his name in my journal he is 13 and a wonderful boy my great nephew. Called my friends and told them we got home safe and thank them for a wonderful stay. Now will call it a night am tired and we are going to a flea market in the morning. Jesus you make everything good for us and I want to thank you. When I get back home want to start on my book with your help I will make it through.
Love you Jesus
Good morning Lord it is 6:30am a wonderful day in Arizona got dressed to face the day ate some toast. Went to bed early last night it was a very emotional day for me. Lord I am so thankful for being here and everything just fell into place. Denise was able to come with me that was a blessing we are building memories that is what it is all about. Also wrote a poem called "TEARS", it is from my heart and how I feel and cried. Lord I am so thankful that I made this trip I feel like I belong here. I would love to move here to Arizona it that has always been my dream. I will be 65 in October and I want to go on with my life. I feel I could out here maybe someday it will happen if it is meant to be. I have a niece that is a social worker here and she is looking into things for me. I want to know what is available here in Mesa or Tucson for Chuck. We all went to the flea market it was a lot of fun bought a lot of nice things wonder how I will get it all home. Then came home and Loretta got company and we went to McDonalds for lunch then we went to Catherine's. Came home and we are going to relax the rest of the day it is 2:00pm and hot, hot, hot, but I love it here. Elmer is going to cook steaks tonight on the grill Loretta will have more company for dinner. Going into the living room and talk with my sister who I love very much. Well plans got changed we are going out to eat at the Country Buffet their will be nine of us. My dear friend called and we talked about the day and his wife is doing great. It was so nice to see them and they made
Denise and I feel at home. We went to eat it was very good but too much food for my body and me still is not adjusted to the time schedule. We came home and I took a
shower and washed my hair and we sat and talked and watched a movie. The end of another wonderful day in Arizona. Thank you Jesus for making this happen for me Angels watching over Chuck and I and my dear friends. Goodnight.
Woke up this morning around 5:30am couldn't sleep want to call Chuck today and see how he is doing. Loosing track of the days any so much to do and see. The time is going so fast Lord I thank you for this day. I know Loretta already has the day planned for us. Soon we will be going back to Ohio Wednesday. Have and extra suitcase to take the stuff that we bought. <Smile> I should have known that and brought an extra one myself. We all got dressed and went to get the pictures developed went to Wal-Mart but the machine was broken so we went to Osco and got them done in one hour. They turned out beautiful very happy with them. Then went to Avenue and shopped and got some groceries for the Mexican dish Denise is making tonight. Yummy, Yummy, Came home and packed a lot of my things so I will be ready. One more day of beautiful Arizona and then it will be all over. Just going to stay home tonight and visit and rest I have to admit that I don't have the stress on me like before. But don't know how things will work once I bring him home. I know it will be different but Lord I pray that I will be able to handle Chuck. At times he gets agitated and upset and is rough with me. Just give me strength to do the things I have to do and to go on with my life. Is there Life after Alzheimer's I ask that question many times and I believe there is a life you can have. Well Denise made dinner and it was delicious Elmer and Loretta enjoyed it very much. Well got that out of the way and Elmer is helping Denise get her things that she bought all packed that is all done. One more day it is sad this trip has to end wish it could last forever. But nothing last forever and nothing stays the same so life goes on. The heartache and problems still exist when I get back. Going to call it a night am tired want to go to sleep. Thank you Lord and Bless all my friends in my support group. Take care of Chuck and please find a cure for Alzheimer's. Love you Jesus.
Tuesday August 24, 1999
Slept good last night took a Tylenol PM and it works fine. Well
today is the last day of our vacation. Stayed home this morning just relaxing
and enjoying the time together. It felt good not to have to rush to do
things so laid back I love it. But we will be going out to the mall and
dinner tonight. Tried to call Chuck but couldn't get through with the number
that I had so tomorrow I will call just as soon as I get in to Cleveland.
I had left the number and I am sure they would have called if things weren't
ok. Thank you Lord for allowing me to have this trip and it all worked
out fine. Sent some mail out and wrote some e-mail this morning the computer
is acting up so can't do to much.
My sister had given me some things my goodness I am going back
with more then I came with. <smile> Went to sleep at 11:00am didn't
wake up till 2:30am then Denise woke me up at 4:00am. Got ready to
leave at 5:00am Loretta got up to see us off Elmer put all the bags
in the car. We came with two and going back with four. I think that is
good a lot of gifts for friends and family. We are at the airport now and
it is a long walk to get through security. I was setting down and nice
gentlemen asked me if I had a wheelchair in Cleveland waiting for me. I
told him no so he told me what to do to get one. He was from Sun City in
Phoenix and was going to Cleveland to a stamp collection seminar. Told
me his name was Earl and was telling me about Sun City for Seniors Citizens
over 55 and the medical centers there. Then he mention Boswell and Del
West. I thought that was very nice of him. We talked and he said his brother
had Alzheimer's and I told him my husband has it also. You can learn a
lot from talking to people and listening to them. You can get good information.
What is available for people with Alzheimer's? God has been so good and
has put people right in my path to share there live with me even on the
airplane. Praise God for that. It is 6:30am and the airport is crowed now
we should be boarding soon. Dropped my solid gold watch at the airport,
and so glad I found it. Thank you Jesus. I don't know if I told you or
not but when Denise was taking a picture of me by a big cactus she kept
telling me to move closer and when I did I felt a small pricked on my heel
an it started to bleed and it really hurt we were by an Indian museum.
But it was fine in a few days. We just had breakfast on the plane so far
it is a good trip it is 8:15am Phoenix time and 11:15am Ohio. As I was
flying in the air the Lord gave me a poem called "An Angel's Touch"
I'm so excited what God is doing in my life I feel now that I have an Angel
in my life watching over me and guiding me and helping me. Thank you Jesus.
We arrived safely and Tom was waiting for us then we went over to Tom's
dad's place to look at the condos and talk. Went to eat then picked Paige
up and came home. I am tired but can't sleep have to calm down use to the
Arizona time now <smile> Called Loretta and told her we are home, Called
Chuck and he is doing fine and hasn't asked for me….Sent e-mail to
my friend in Arizona and thank them for a wonderful time. It is 10:00 and
I will close to what has been a wonderful trip that I had ever had in my
life. I think it's because of all the stress and heartache I have been
through and I have not been anywhere for a long time. I thank you Lord
for sending Angels to watch over Chuck and I. Goodnight.
Went to sleep at 11:00am didn't wake up till 2:30am then Denise woke me up
at 4:00am. Got ready to leave at 5:00 Loretta got up to see us off Elmer put all the
bags in the car. We came with two and coming back with four. I think that is good a lot of gifts for friends and family. We are at the airport now and it is a long walk to get through security. I was setting down and an nice gentlemen asked me if I had a
wheelchair in Cleveland and I told him no so he told me what to do to get on. He was
from Sun City. In Phoenix and was going to Cleveland to a stamp collection seminar. Told me his name was Earl and was telling me about Sun City for Seniors Citizens over 55 and the medical centers their he mention Boswell and Del West. I thought that was very nice of him we talked and he said his Brother has Alzheimer's and I told him my husband has it also. You can learn a lot from talking to people and listening gave me some information. What is available for people with Alzheimer's? God has been so good and has put people right in my path to share their lives with me even on the airplane. Praise God for that.
It is 6:30am and the airport is crowed now we should be boarding soon. Dropped my solid gold watch at the airport so glad I found it. Thank you Jesus. I don't know if I told you or not but when Denise was taking a picture of me by a big cactus, she kept telling me to move closer and when I did a small on pricked my heel and it started bleeding it really hurt we were by the Indian Museum. But it was fine in a few days. We just had breakfast on the plane so far it is a good trip it is 8:15am phoenix time and 11:15 in Ohio. As I was flying in the air the Lord gave me a poem called "An Angel's Touch"
I'm so excited what God is doing in my life I feel now that I have an Angel in my life
watching over me and guiding me and helping me. Thank you Jesus. We arrived safely and Tom was waiting for us then we went over to Tom's dad place to look at the condo and talk went to eat then picked Paige up and came home. I am tired but can't sleep have to calm down use to the Arizona time now. <Smile>
Called Loretta and told her we are home, Called Chuck and he is doing fine and hasn't
Asked for me…….Sent e-mail to my friend in Arizona and thank them for a wonderful
Time. It is 10:00pm and I will close to what has been a wonderful trip that I
had ever had in my Life. I think it's because of all the stress I've had and never went any
place before. I thank you Lord for sending Angels to watch over Chuck and I goodnight.
Slept very good last night woke up this morning 7:00am this is Paige's first day of school And she didn't want to go and cried but Denise took her. Then I called VA to see how Chuck was this morning and he is fine. So we went to see Denise condo and pick out the colors for the walls and tile. It is beautiful she should be in it by November.
That took a long time about three hours then it started to rain and we went to lunch.
She is suppose to take me home but the wants me to go to lunch with the family at
6:00pm. We went to see Chuck and brought him some cookies he said to me that I
came at the Wrong time that some men were after him. I checked on it but he was a
little paranoid. We visited he was clean and smelled good then he had dinner and he ate
good. Again the visit is very hard for me Lord give me strength when I bring him home.
His watch needs a new battery so I took it to get it fixed.
Tom and Matt came and we left to go to Kent to pick up Tom's daughter she goes to
College their. We went to the Ground Round the food was very good I had the sampler of wings and ribs and onion rings. Yummy, yummy.
Well it got too late so I came back home to Denise it was after 10:00pm sent some e-mail
To my friend in Arizona and Tennessee. Will going to go to be it is 11:00pm a long day very tired. Thank you Jesus for a wonderful day. Angels watching over us.
Friday August 27, 1999
Got up at 7:00am got Paige up for school she will ride the school
bus the first time
This morning. Had not trouble getting her up now she is dressed
and ready to go get
The bus at 8:00am. She had a very good day at school and did
well she loves it and
Likes her teacher. Many years for her now I told her it was like
going to work she will
learn all kind of new things and will get smarter. Well we went
out to lunch and then shopping looking for furniture for Denise's new house.
Then we went to see Chuck is was setting on his bed and was happy to see
us I took him some candy. Decided to go home with Peggy so it will save
Denise a trip. Got over to Sherry's and we left at 6:30pm stopped and had
something to eat. It was 8:30pm before I got home. Coming down the road
to where I lived seem so strange I felt like I had nothing here and I didn't
want to be here again feeling what do you do with them. So I brought all
the stuff in and called Lil and told her I was home. Checked the mail and
it was close to 700 messages and I had the support group hold my mail.
Oh well just another day answered some and deleted some. Going to bed it's
12:30pm.
Thank you Lord for bringing me home safe. Angels watching over
us.
Saturday August 28, 1999
Didn't sleep good woke up at 2:30am then at 4:30 and stayed
up. Will see what this day
brings. Took a shower got dressed wanted to go to Wal-Mart and
visit with the other
senior but was again on slow motion. Had some calls Bertha, Chuck
sister Denise, Tracy, Had to pick up my mail and it was already 10:30am
so I didn't get over till after 11:00 my friend was still there so we sat
and talked about my trip. Said they missed me the Betty and another lady
came in and sat down. By the time I left it was almost 2:00pm oh yes I
had some pictures taken. Will get them back in three weeks. Came home tried
to get caught up on the paper work and balance the check book so again
it is getting late and I as wide-awake. I guess I just have to get use
to being alone all over again. Talked on ICQ to my niece in Pennsylvania
and a friend. I was wide-awake drank some milk took melatonin and going
to sleep. Another day or rest Lord I feel you are having me go through
some kind of transition but what are you preparing me for? I pray that
you have an answer for me. Take care of Chuck angels watching over us.
Goodnight
Sunday August 29, 1999
Still didn't rest much tossed and turned got up at 6:30am took
a shower and pamper my
self. But I am in a funny mood don't know what is wrong with
me. The Lord gave me
another poem called The Bend in the Road that is how my life
seems to be going. I am
afraid to go around that bend don't know what lies ahead for
me. Been crying and feel such a loss I though I was through all this. Denise
called and I told her how emotional I was and I was crying. But I feel
crying is good for me but I am not happy alone I need to be around people
I have always needed them. Got a lot of stuff done put all the clothes
away and wash some and will be ready for my Next trip. I won't be in such
a hurry to come home. I will relax with my sisters and enjoy the time we
have together. Have all the things done now but today's journal and I am
all caught up but for some e-mail.
Tracy is coming over to visit and clean up for me around 6:00pm
I think I will call it a day and surf the web for some information Will
go see chuck tomorrow and I might stay up there for a few days all depends
on when they will deliver the bed. Have to call tomorrow. The end of another
day of my crying and not knowing why all this has
happen to me. I keep telling myself I'm a survivor but I can't
see that far a head. It
is terrible what this decease takes our love one so cruelly,
diligently, slowly and I am
trying to make some sense out of this and I can't this is the
worse illness I had every
gone though with Chuck. I feel so bad for him and I can't explain
it but people just don't understand it. So it seems like I go down this
road alone but I know God is with me. I have to start looking on the brighter
side of life and go on with mine but don't know what my life will be. I
am excited about learning how to do html and do my own site. I just can't
believe it. Chuck's brother came over and took the bed down for me
so that is done. Tracy came and we talked and she cleaned up a little for
me. The biggest news is I am a GREAT GRANDMA now Sommer had a boy born
8/29/99 at 7:45pm 7lbs 14 oz 20 inches long called Dylan Jacob she had
to have a c-section is doing fine. Can't wait to tell Chuck tomorrow. Wrote
two new poems The Bend In the Road, and The Army of Caregivers even my
bad day something good came out of it. Have a new friend Marcia and she
is a caregiver and will be moving to Ohio. I have been praying that the
Lord would send someone close by that has the same problem as me and he
did.
Sent some e-mails and talk to my friend and told them of the
new baby. It is late going
To bed I pray I sleep better it is 12:30am again. Thank you Lord
for having Angels
Watching over me. Goodnight
Monday August 30, 1999
Good morning Lord, I did sleep a little better got up at 5:30am
finished my journal and
Sent some posting out about the new great grandson. will finish
up what I have to do and go eat breakfast then go up to Wal-Mart and visit
with some of the Seniors Citizen there. So far feel a little better this
morning but we will see. Have to call about the bed to see when they will
delivery it. Then want to go see Chuck will meet Denise and get my phone
and other things. Called Sommer and Josh answered she is doing fine the
baby is getting circumcised she is doing fine. Also talked to Loretta she
was going swimming at Jenny's. Went had the breakfast at Dino's some seniors
there we talked, then went to Wal-Mart and talked to the seniors there
about computers. I received some good fresh tomatoes will have them for
lunch. Then went to see Chuck he was clean, shaved, and smiled good. Sue
his nurse said they tried to call me but I told her I was on my way here.
Chuck grab my hand so hard they he was hurting me he is so strong and he
didn't realize it. We visit for awhile and then he wanted to take a nap
so I took him to his room and he said for me to leave. So I told him I
would see him in a few days and then left talked to the nurse and
the doctor it will be awhile yet before he comes home.
They told me to rest and relax but I haven't been able to. I
have done nothing but cry
I feel like I am going through some kind of transition and don't
understand what or
why. Am I feeling this way because he is going to die or
am I going to die and leave him? The sad part he is not aware of what is
going on or how I feel. I am so confused. A
better day tomorrow I am sure Lord. But I will try harder to
get a grip on things I know Chuck would not want me to be this way. Have
to change my attitude and have a positive outlook on this and count my
blessings it could be a lot worse…..I am so sorry Lord forgive me please…….
I think Denise is going to take Paige with her and then I will
go to Penn. and see my sisters over the holidays. I came home and took
a nap and now will try to get some sleep it is 1:00am Goodnight and
Angels watching over Chuck and I and my friends.
Tuesday August 31, 1999
Good morning world after going to bed so late I did sleep well
and woke up at 7:30am
Took a shower and ate breakfast made the phone calls I needed
to do. They will bring the bed today for Chuck around 10:00am. Called the
doctor and made an appointment for me next week called in my prescriptions,
Called the agency to make arrangement for Chuck when he comes home so that
I will have home service plus his daily meal since they switched companies
so I had done a lot all ready and it is only 10:00am. Lil called from work
and we talked I started to cry again I really feel it is just a let down
from my trip but by the end of the week I will be fine. I shared this with
Kate and she explained it to me very good. As long as I am with family
and friends I can forget about caregiving but when I am alone it all comes
back to me. The life I had and the life I have now as a caregiver. I can
never go back so I have to take that turn in the road and see what is out
there for me. You see I have tasted a life with out my caregiver role and
it makes me sad. Then I think of all the ones that don't have my responsibilities.
The important thing is that nothing in this life is permanent and we are
each assigned our own season in time. I know my season now will not last
forever, and one day I will be able to move forward with my life. The bed
came for Chuck and the man set it up for me it looks nice I have
it all ready for when he comes home. One of the seniors gave
me some tomatoes they were very good. Cleaned up the house and then later
went with the seniors to ear
spaghetti it was very good. Came home and answered my e-mail
talked to my friend Laura about the book she is going to write something
for me. It is late again almost 12:00 will finish this and go to Bed. Thank
you Lord for letting me see the direction you want me to go. The end of
another month in the life of a caregiver for her husband who has Alzheimer's.
Angles watching over me and Chuck and my friends. Goodnight God Bless
To my journal entry page.
