Hello and welcome to my Online Journal. In the following pages, I hope to share with you some of the experiences I have had as a full time caregiver to my Husband.
We have two children Denise and Charles Jr. and two granddaughter Sommer Love,
 and Shalistar Nicole. Also have an adopted granddaughter Sutherlin Paige added to our family. Will  be a  Great grandma by Sept 1999 can't wait. But this journal is about Chuck and I and my journey with him through Alzheimer's. He has had four heartaches, carotid artery, hardening of the arteries, diabetes, and prostate Cancer. Things changed a lot since he had his first heart attack back in December of 1981 but we were able to come through each illness but in March 29, 1994 he had the prostate removed and came up out of the surgery not knowing where he was. The next day they did a CAT scan and I was told he could have the beginning of Alzheimer's he had mild brain atrophy the brain was shrinking. That was the beginning of the end for me I cried and started to see changes from that point on. So we live with all the changes for six years then in 1997 because of all the medication he  was on I didn't let him drive he hasn't driven since and got rid of his car.
That was hard to do because I always felt he would get better so it sat for over two years. In March of 1998 he fell backwards off of the front porch and hit his head had brain surgery then went through all the rehabilitation. But in May was complaining of dizziness and have another brain surgery and he has never recovered and has not come back to me. I guess now is where my heartache starts and never ends...
I was told to put him into the Nursing Home that I would not be able to take care of him.  But I didn't want to... I wanted to try and see if I could help him get well again so I started on my long exhausted journey that I call my 48-HOUR DAY. For months it was very hard I was alone and had to do this myself. By now friend stopped calling and coming over I didn't get out much. I cried a lot but felt no one cared or God  hasn't heard me. So I did the best I could for about eight months. He also was incontinent  and didn't know how to go to the bathroom, had to shower him, dress him, and be with  him 24 hours he could not be left alone. He would walk slowly, but he does love to eat  and that is all he does. By now I am exhausted and tired for lack of sleep he is up at night wandering and paranoid, scared, and I am worn out. I listed him with the VA and took him to their doctors for help in the mean time was crying for lack of help and being closed in not getting out of the house.  No help from anyone but one friend that stuck by me Lil and Chuck but they worked so there help was limited. So I was on my own most of the time found support on the Internet at the Alzheimer's sites. Have made new friends going through what I am going through. Families don't understand are kind but not much help with him...
I called VA in Cleveland and found out about some help at home went through all the paper  work and started to get some help during the week it was a blessing and
a lifesaver. So it has given me a break at first but now he is getting worse and the
nights are hard and  long. It has been over a year and I come to realize I can't do this
alone any more. So I  filled out papers for the VA nursing home he is on the waiting list now. It is about a year wait I pray  that I make it.  My health is going down too with lack of sleep and emotional strain that he puts me through  no one can understand it unless they are in my shoes. I love this man we have shared a lifetime together. The stress that if something happens to me what happen to him is always on my mind. The children are going on with their lives, as it should be. It happen in the best of family's children can't handle their parents being sick so they stay away. My daughter has been supported she calls all the time but has to work and has a child to take care of.  But life goes on and waits for no one so I go on and now I will try to keep a journal that  might help someone else going through what I am experience. I want to say at this time he does not know me as his wife; he looks for her and wants to go home. This has been the hardest thing to understand he will ask me over and over who are you?  What is your name? Our lives are in The Master Hands… God Bless You But something good has come out of this terrible disease I have written poems that was on my heart and have posted a poem on the Alzheimer's community board called The Face You See. An a girl called Dorothy send me e-mail and told me to sent it to Alzheimer's Outreach and Tay posted it on her web site. I was so proud and happy never imagine anything like that would happen. But that wasn't the end of the story a lady name Laura made a page for me on her site that was great. Then one day another girl called Kate made me my own Web Site and I was so touched and moved by all there kindness and love. Then Nancz made a special page on her site for The Face You See after it was publish. I can't express myself how it touch my heart and now am touching other people's lives we are never alone...just feel that way...Jesus said I will never leave you or forsake you Hebrews 13:5 and I know he is walking with me by my side every day.. 
 
 

Click below to see past journal volumes:

   August, 1999

  July, 1999

  June, 1999
 
 






Please feel free to email me at any time. I am always ready and willing to
share my experiences with you.



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