My name is Carolyn I am a Caregiver for my husband Chuck of 46 years.

Got up at 5:30am we are going up to Cleveland today as this will be a venture for me driving and Chuck and Tracy the aide will go with me. Got showered and dressed and did a few things before Chucks get up. Check the e-mail and wrote a poem about my friends on Passage the support group that has been a big help to me through my hard times. Chuck got up I fix him breakfast and the shower girl came because we wanted to get an early start. Called Denise and told her we were coming up and wanted to eat lunch at the Chinese restaurant she said ok. Got around and did the wake up call on passage and printed a few poems out and heard from Char. We left at 9:30am I was very nervous because this is a big step for me to take. I can't read a map and am very poor on direction don't know east from west, north from south. Chuck tried to teach me but didn't want to learn thought as long as he knew I would be fine. Little did I know that
someday I would be the main driver?  I did pretty good going up went the turnpike picked up Denise and went to a clothing store and then to eat. The food was very good had Cashew Chicken with fried rice. Went back to the house she cut Chuck's hair then
she had to go back to work. Paige has lost her first tooth in the front she looked so cute she is my adopted grandchild. They were swimming and she was on the slip and slide she is getting so big harley recognized her.  It was 1:30 PM we started back and I missed the exit to go to the turnpike but praise God I stayed on 480 east and found the turnpike in Streetsboro was scared at first didn't know where I was. But we go on and we got home safe it was a new experience but not one I want to do again for awhile. Tracy left and Chuck went to lie down and I am going to take a nap also. This to was very stressful reminded of the poem I wrote going on a Journey but don't know where.
We took a much needed rest woke up at 5:30 PM my daughter called to see if we had any trouble getting home. Told her we missed the exit oh well we were home. Fixed Chuck something to eat, as he always wants to eat every time he wakes up. He said he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday I laugh I said don't you remember we had Chinese food oh yea he said I forgot. So we ate dinner then Lil called we talked she is off work tomorrow told her I am going to an Alzheimer's meeting at 10:00 am if the girl shows up. Will stop and see her before they leave on their trip. Check the e-mail got about eight messages I answered most of them one was from Tay she has me linked up to her new site as soon as she has it done. Changing some things on it that made me very happy. Well Chuck is very scared and paranoid again don't know how to help him
but tried to reassure him that no one was here and no one will hurt him, Had him in the computer room with me.  He asked me again to take him home he wants to see his wife. After about the third time I started to cry and told me he was home and I was his wife. He said don't cry my God we have been married for 46 years we are alone here. At night he get more confused is this what it is coming to. I don't want to be alone but for
him as I doing the right thing? I ask my self those questions what should I do I want him taking good care maybe I am not the answer. Maybe he would be better off some place else. Lord help me to make the right decisions. Am very tired going to bed.Good night Lord is watching over us.

Friday July 2, 1999

Woke up 3:30 am almost the same time every day. This starts another day in the Life of an Alzheimer's person. Going to a meeting at 10:00 am this morning in Canfield may be get some answer always looking for new things for them to tell us. Chuck is sleeping now and I am going back to bed. The girl came and went to the meeting a lot of good information and meet some other people that use the same agency that I do. Had a good talk about the help. Called home and Chuck was giving the girl a hard time I talked to him and said I would be home but had to go to the store first. I did get him quieted down. Went to get groceries and then stopped by Lil's to tell her goodbye they are leaving early to go to North Carolina for the 4th. Everyone is going somewhere …not me don't want to be on the roads. Came home and Chuck is always glad to see me but doesn't know who I am. He was fine while I was there. Called the social worker and I know what building to take him to on the 6th of July so that is all set for the respite care. After the girl left went to the bank and took Chuck for ice cream he loves that but is so funny and wants to know how did I get his wife's car…
Came home relaxed and talked to my nephew from Pa. he just got a computer and check the e-mails and answered them. Well it is time to eat so fixed dinner Chuck always eats well. Cleaned up the mess and we listen to some good music he loves music also he will set and sing if he knows the songs.
I sure wish we  could have gone to my sister for the holiday we use to go all the time.
My life sure has changed doing things I never dreamed I would do or could do them. I t sure is funny how the path of life you go on is never the same. I look forward to each new day to see what it is the Lord is going to teach me, I do know I have patience with him now. It is a long hard journey and a lot of issues are never discussed like the intimacy between your mate. It is lost you can still show him or her love with hugs, a tender touch, I love you but it seems like they are scared because they don't understand or know you. They are afraid…but what about the mate that is left to face all the's issues? We are not old and need to know we are loved…..
Will touch on that again another time.
The day is ending and he wants to go to bed so I will get him ready and get the things ready also for tomorrow. I got him in bed 8:30am he would lay in bed all day if I would let him but I won't I want him to keep moving and just go in the bed at night. Don't want him to get more confused or mixed up he already has no concept of time.
Time to close another day in the life of Alzheimer's………….
Good night  The Lord is with me all the time.

Saturday July 3, 1999

Slept very good last night got up took a shower and will see what the Lord has for me today. I guess 5:30 AM seem to be the time for me to get up it is like I am on a schedule. Chuck got up 7:00 I fixed him breakfast and the girl came at 9:30 am I took off and went to Wal-Mart's. Seen some of my senior citizen's there and sat and talked. Norma, Mary, Ray, Ellen, Dean, Ted, Ed, Herb, Dan, Ann, and a few others. Sat and talked with Ed and Norma I called him Mr. Ed because he wears a cowboy hat with the face of a clock on it. It is really cute and he is very nice. Talked about the Good old Days and he gave me a Gold Old Day's magazine and a paper to read.
This must have been my  day because as I was walking out into the store I heard someone mention my name I turned and didn't recognize the young man. He said aren't you Carolyn I said yes... well my name is Gary. With that he gave me a big hug I have not seen this young man for over 10 years. He asked about my  daughter Denise this man played a big part in our life for us to become Christians about 24 years ago. A long story but a good one we talked for awhile and I told him about Chuck he was sorry
to hear that. But anyway he said I would pray for you if we can find a quiet corner. I told him come to the snack bar my friends were there and we do pray for each other. I had to get an envelope for Mr. Ed would be right back. So I did and we all set in the snack bar and I introduced him to my seniors and we prayed then I prayed for him. I really had a good day I called Linda to see how chuck was doing and she said fine.
So I ate lunch at Wal-Mart it was 12:30 then I left and went to the truck stop and got gas I am so proud on my self and building confidence and have pumped the gas two days in a row. <smile>
Came home talked to Linda and show her the Web site then her time was up and she left. Chuck and I took a nap and I played some music and he fell asleep. We got up at 5:00 he wanted me to take him to Penn. To see his mother and family and it started all over again. I told him there was to much traffic and we were going to stay home for the holidays. He was fine with that so I went and checked the mail and fixed him something to eat. So it is 6:30 PM and he is starting to get confused again and wants to go to bed I told him again bedtime is 8:30. Went on the computer to write in my journal and check the mail talked to Mary she invited me to come over tomorrow and go into the pool so I just might do that if the girl shows up. We ate some snack's and watched a
oldie movie on the TV I love the old movies. Went and got Chuck ready for bed it is about 9:00 PM then got on the computer. This has been a big help to me to keep a journal of the day and hear from friends from different places. They are going through the same thing. Talked to one last night and I was upset because Chuck was so scared and paranoid thinking someone is going to hurt him. Lord I am looking forward to some rest is that wrong??? But I to know I will miss him I am being pulled both ways. If only I could get some help in the evenings I feel I could do it a lot better. But where do I look please open a door for me guide me in what I am to do. That will help Chuck and help me I wish I had the money to be able to provide the good help he needs. But since I don't Lord you will have to make the way. He got out of bed a few times scared of the noise and wanted to know where his wife went. I finally figured it out he doesn't see me because in his mind he sees his wife as a 30 year old girl <smile> I wish I was.
I did get him quieted down and back in bed and was talking and crying to my friend about what is going on. Lord I just know I would not have made it this far without my friends on the Internet. Here it is the holiday weekend and we are alone. Lil & Chuck went to South Carolina for ten days.
Denise will come down and get us tomorrow and Chuck will go into VA respite care on Tuesday I pray it all works out ok. Went to check on Chuck he is not sleeping it is around 10:00 PM he said all the boys will come and hurt him I reassured him there was no one here and I was coming to bed. For him to relax and fall asleep and in a little
while he did. Oh God you wonder what is going on in there minds things are locked inside and they can't get out. I think he understand enough to know that something is wrong BUT WHAT… He asked me where he was and wanted to go home he lived down the street. I asked him if he remembered The deer head he said yes …..Well it is in the living room so if it is there then you are home this is home right. He said I guess and that ended out day. Goodnight Jesus is watching over us......

Sunday July 4, 1999

Woke up again 5:30 am had a headache took my medicine for the day and got Chuck's ready he just got up took him to the bathroom. He wanted to know if it was time to eat, I told him in a little while then I got him back to bed.  Finished my journal from yesterday and started on today. Going to church and will try to have a fun day laugh more, and cry less…like my very best friend told me to do. I am going back to lay down my self it is too early to stay up then it would be a long day. I went to church but called and Chuck was giving the aide such a hard time that I came home. He had called her all kind of names and wouldn't listen to her and was on the bed. which I really don't want him in there till 8:30 bedtime. He has a chair that lays back or he  can lie on the couch. But he was so confused and angry that when I went into the bedroom he grab my wrist both of them and was squeezing them very tight but I didn't' want him to know that I was hurting or scared. But he wouldn't let go and didn't want to go into the room it was very upset a big mess. He wouldn't do anything for her even eat. So I broke loose and went into the living room in a little while he called me by my name Caroline and I went back and he said your not Caroline and was calling for her, But he had to go to the bathroom so I had the aide take him. We fixed him lunch my day is not over yet he did eat good but wants to go back to bed. I am trying to let him take a nap on the couch because if he gets in bed he will stay there all night. It is time for the girl to leave and I will have a long day and a longer night this is what I call my 48-hour day. Washed the fruit that I had bought and gave him some cherries to eat he really like fruit, apples, peaches, pears, nectarines, strawberries and I bought a half watermelon. I am trying to relax this is not how I though my day would go. I wanted to relax more and laugh but so far it has been tough. If I can't leave the house and leave him with the aide and feel
comfortable then what am I going to do? There is no other choice he does not know me and one day he will really get violent with me. I am not sure now what will happen when he goes into respite will I be able to handle him when he comes home will it be worse I don't know. Question but no answers. I will have the aide tomorrow yet not sure even if she will show up she was upset also if not Denise is suppose to come after us. He is very nervous he can't set still just wanders room to room down the halls I am up and down continually. It is a holliday and we are alone I never dream in all my life with all the people that I knew and friends that I had. No one has called us I really know how the old people feel that have no family and are in the house alone every day. How sad that our churches and the community don't look out for the ones but I guess
every one is soooooo busy. I wonder what the Lord would say to that? Oh well life will go on such as it is and you have to play the hand you are dealt with. It is 4:00 PM Chuck is still walking room to room looking for I don't know what.  But he calls everyone a guy that I don't understand. He is walking now and wondering looking for someone to tell him when it is time to eat. I told him 4:30 he just ate some cherries and had a big lunch at 1:00pm I don't know where he put all the food it's like a compulsion  he wants to eat all the time. I did get another medicine in him and hope it works. The aide left and she was walking the halls looking in each room he was so confused. His
brother and wife stopped by and he did set for a little while he was eating when they can in an hour later he was yelling when was he going to get something to eat good thing they seen that he had eaten. This just scare me. He wanted to go to bed now so I let him it is 7:30 pm he would not let me change the diaper on him he would not let me get near him. So I let him alone and came into the computer room. I know something has to be done soon......I am so upset and sick I can harley stand it. It is easy to visit and then leave and you are free from the problem. But me I can't go anywhere. So I don't know if she will come tomorrow or not. I just hope he will stay at the respite without any problems. I know Harriett said the Bob refused to stay and they would not take him. Just pray I do need the rest. I am really depressed. It is 9:00 I will call it a day and try to get some rest. Goodnight :Happy 4th of July..... I really miss going to my
sister.........

I woke up around 5:30 am the aide is coming at 7:00 she wants to leave early to go away. I told her it was fine. Denise called and will be coming down to pick up us I know that soon I will have to build the convenience to go back and forth my self and I will do it. Just right now I feel I have too much to handle and to concentrate on. I thank the lord for her she has been a wonderful daughter and is there for us. I know it is hard at times and she has her own life to lead.
Gave Chuck his breakfast and the aide came so the day will start Chuck seems to be in a better mood so we will see. I am going up to Wal-Mart and will meet Denise there. Going to get ready to go now.
Well I seen Norma, and Mr. Ed there we sat and talked and he had a few old books for me The Good Old Days I just love to read them. We talked about he seniors that dropped out because I wasn't there like I use to be. But I can't be there like before and we don't go out to eat like we did. But things will work out and new ones will come in. We talked about the birthday cakes. Different seniors donate them once a month. Mr. Ed will do it for August and October since the ones that quiet it was there time. Denise and Paige came and surprised me she bought Paige a cute swimsuit. We left then went to Kentucky Fired Chicken and ate then went home. The aide left and we left to go to Denise home Chuck was glad to go for a ride and I told him about respite care. He seems fine with that. The trip was fine but two young boys tried to run us off the road not once but
twice. They were doing it on purpose and it really scared me the license plate read EDGEMAN I still will check it out it wasn't funny. Well we go her safe and are going out to eat at Frankies for dinner a very good place to eat good Italian food. 
It is 8:00 getting Chuck ready for bed received a phone call from my friend was so happy it made my day special I thank God for good friends. Then Chuck's personally change he got upset and angry but Denise got him into bed and he fell asleep it was about 9:00 PM. I was watching a movie but was tired and I am going to sleep. This ends another one of my 48-hour day. Have an angel beside me helping me get through this, Good
night 
 
 

I couldn't seep it is 5:00 am so got up to write in my journal. I guess I am concerned about taking Chuck to VA respite. Wondering how it will go and what lays ahead for me these two weeks. I really woke up because my stomach had that reflux and I had forgotten to take my medicine last night. Well going to try to get some sleep it is 6:00am. We left for the VA Nursing home about 7:30 I had gotten Chuck up and cleaned up and he ate breakfast. We go over to Brecksville about 8:15 am Chuck was fine wanted to know what we were doing here. I told him he was going into respite care for awhile and I would be back to get him. It was a long wait about two hours for us to get the paper work done and he got examined his blood pressure was fine he weighs 178 lbs. he use to weigh 230 when all this started. But he looks good all except his mind. Some of the girls
remembered him and made him feel at home that was good. The social worker talked to us and he check of the status of VA home in Sandusky the waiting period is one year he is 21 on the list and there is no way of getting him in early. So he gave me a financial sheet to fill out and said they will be watching him these next to weeks and if he doesn't
wander maybe just maybe they can get him into the regular Nursing Home. He will let me know the we stopped in Chuck's room and said goodbye I think he was more concerned about Denise then me. I asked him if he knew who I was he said yes I said whom then he said the slave. We laugh I said I could be called that. We left the building to come home I felt very sad and my stomach has been hurting ever since. I know he is in good hands and I have to take care of my self. But I did have my cry and I did feel guilty I am being honest. We stopped at Toco Bell and got lunch then Denise went back to work and I came home and wanted to rest. Sommer called we talked for an hour she is
such a sweetheart and told me she loves me and tell grandpa she loves him. She will be having her baby the end of August or September can't wait.
Denise computer isn't working and I am trying to get it fixed and we are having a big storm the electric went off twice. It is 8:30 PM we called over to see how Chuck was they said he is doing fine ate well not problem so far. Went to the ladies ministry and they prayed for me and Chuck I really felt God Presence I know he has everything under control and I will make it. He is right by my side he word says I will never leave you or forsake you. Praise God for that it is getting bedtime I have been up since 5:00
am time to call it a night.
 
 

Slept very well but woke up at 3:30 am like usual and sat up till 4:30 then went back to bed got up again at 7:00 .I really miss Chuck would check on him durning the night force of habit I guess. Stayed up and talked to Denise then went back to lay down I did fall asleep and got up at 8:30 well I am up for the day. Did get some much need rest Paige is going to the Lake with her other grandma for the day and getting her ready was something else. She is so cute and a real blessing to me she said grandma I want you to
go with me. I told her some other time we will do something. I just don't want to be around a lot of people I just want to relax and take it easy while I have this chance.
Will  go over to Wal-Mart  later Denise went off to work and I cut my hair real short was tired of messing with it turn out ok I can live with it. It really feels strange not to have the pressure on me this morning I just took my time to do things and am not worring about anything got dress it is now 11:00 going over to where Denise works and get the keys to the car going shopping. Mailed a card to my dear friend who has been very supportive to me a real Blessing in my life. I bought a few things then went to McDonalds got lunch for Denise dropped it off and came home.
Made a few phones calls Chuck is doing fine the nurse said and called VA and talked to them. Getting reddy to go to the airport to see my sister she is coming in at 3:30pm I am excited to see them all. Talk to Marylee the pastor's wife she asked me how I was doing not as much stress today already, don't have to worry if the aide is going to show up didn't have to get things ready moved at my own pace felt relaxed knowing Chuck is doing fine. I know I will be fine to these next few weeks.
We left for the Airport to see my sister we just got there in time I was so excited to see them, Loretta, Elmer, Bryan, Winona, they all look fine. We then went to Mountain Jacks to eat. Then we put them on the turnpike to Penna., Will see them this weekend, as he has to bring Bryan back to the airport. Paige was on an outing with her other grandpa and grandpa we have to pick her up after church tonight.
Just got home from church it is 8:30 I am so sleepy and tired went to lay down Denise woke me up to go with them to get Paige. I was down for the night but I went to see the new condo that his mom & dad built build. It was beautiful and very large and has the most beautiful scenery off the back patio. We sat and talked, then left around 10:30 by the time we got home it was 11:00 we sat up and talked I was wide awake by now stayed up till 1:00 then went to bed. It sure was a busy day. I thank the Lord for the busy day I had it took my mind off of the hurt I was feeling inside. Nite
 
 

Thursday, July 8, 1999

Woke up again at 3:30 am and 5:30 am it is like I am programmed now for these times.
But stayed in bed and prayed for Chuck and all my friends a lot of stuff is going on around here. To busy for me to handle every day I like quiet Denis went in to work early and I will get Paige up and dressed for day care. Tom left for work and took Paige over to day care now I have quiet time to my self. Will clean up the house take a shower and wash my hair  and just relax. It seems like I am always saying that but it feels so good to think on all the good things. To clear my mind of all the bad stuff that is going on. It looks like we will have a beautiful day. I sure miss my support group on (Passage) but since she is not on the web can't communicate with them.
Ate lunch and cleaned a few rooms and went through some paper for her got rid of a lot of stuff. I am good at that I don't like clutter. We went to look at a house but I didn't care for it needed a lot of work on it. Stopped at Dairy Queen and had ice cream then Denise went back to work. It is 4:30 I am going to rest for awhile we might go out to the mall later. It sure is different with out Chuck I will call later to see how he is doing. Looking for another car was told I could order 2000 it sure seems funny saying that but I won't rush into anything will take the time to look and see what they are like. Went to take a nap and the phone rang three times and woke me up so I stayed up and Denise came home from work we went to a Chinese buffet it was very good. Then I looked around at all the people and felt very sad that Chuck was not here with me. I started to cry right there in the restaurant.  I 'm so lonely for Chuck that it's not the same without him. We then stopped at a few stores but didn't buy anything in the mood. We came home and it is 9:30 PM time to go to bed. I pray that the Lord will do something special in my life I need someone that really understands what I am going through. I' m sad tonight a better day tomorrow. Goodnight There is an angel watching over Chuck and I.
 
 

I got up twice last night was restless I guess thinking about everything and what I am going to do and wonder where I am to be. I cried last night I cry alone only God know my heart and what is going on. Today going to court with Denise & Tom about his son I know they are concerned about it but I feel God has everything under control. He will
make a way for all of us if we are in tuned to his voice. I had the most beautiful dream and it is a start of another poem it will be called Heaven's Meadows it was truly a place to rest. Well have to get ready leaving have to be a court at 7:30 am. Well there was a big traffic accident on the freeway going down to the courthouse we were late but so was everyone else. We were there for four hours nothing got resolved there will be another time. Denise was sick this morning so we came home and she went to bed I made soup and Jell-O for later. Tom went to work will call and see how Chuck is.
I called VA and talked to the nurse Chuck is doing fine I will call later and see if I can talk to him. He still is confused but they think he is so cute and enjoy him there. I am restless and want to go home but my daughter has to many other things to do this weekend to take me home. It is just not the same with out your mate I can't see how my life will be down the road with out him. I never dreamed it would be this way the loneliness I feel no one knows I keep it to myself.
Denise and I are going to show the condo that is for sale I pray they sale it soon and then they can buy a house. Well some exciting news the people bought the condo I told Denise going over that I felt that they would buy it. I knew when they looked at it that it would go it was very clean freshly painted, new carpet, and every thing was in good working order. I liked the place myself. The man worked for Strongsville School District he was the treasure and they were looking for a home for three years and now he can work to work. We prayed and she was going to have open house this Sunday. It was going to come out in the paper this weekend. So now it is all canceled. They were so
excited we stopped at Tom's dad's place to tell then it was sold. They also have a fabulous condo just built and we ate popcorn and pop left there about 9:00pm.
Heard from my dear friends Laura and Bob I thank God that they keep in touch I love hearing from them. Also talked to Denise and told her how much I miss Chuck I am so lonely I guess you can be with people and still something is missing...Yes he is a very big part of me and it is hard to pretend when he is not here that I am happy. Stayed up to watch a movie it is now 12:00 going to bed. I thank God for all he has done. Nite

Saturday July 10,1999

I woke up at 3:30 am I was crying I miss Chuck so much can't wait to see him today.
So I got up to write in my journal and send last night's off to be posted. Will go home today and check things out and pickup my mail it is only a little over an hour. Will come back and stop at Brecksville VA and see how everything is today My feeling as so strong about placing him in a nursing home I know that he needs to be where they can take better care of him. But for me I need him home to see every day and know that he is ok. Woke up with the feeling that I would not see him again I know it is only how I am feeling but it does hurt I can not help the way I feel he has been my life for 46 years. I always excepted to celebrate the big 50 together and we would be happy in our old age. It isn't turning out like I dreamed it would. We have to have a dream of what life should be like in order to be able to go on.
It is 4:00am going back to bed to rest. I thank God for Denise & Tom and a good place to stay during Chuck's respite care this is my place of rest. Got up and got dressed we left to go over to my place and check on things and get the mail it is 10:00 am. The trip was fine and picked up the mail then wrote the checks for the bills and mailed them out.  We stopped at a few stores then started back and stopped at VA to see Chuck.
He is doing fine and looks great. Not sure he recognized me and did not ask to come home. He seems content and he was clean and his clothes were all clean. The food looked very good but we had taken a hamburger in and fries so he only drank the coffee and ate the fruit he was full. We walked him to his room I found in the drawer a note he had written I read it and wanted to cry I ask him if he wrote that he said yes. It read:
Dear mom,
I am writing to you to let you know I'm still here. I want to get out of here pretty bad, 
Get Mary and Julie and you don't wait to long to come after me.

 His mom and sister's are dead. Does he see them and want to go with them or is he just asking them to take him home. I cried on the way home after I left and called his sister Bertha and  Read it to her and she cried. I don't know what the answer's are. I don't
know what to do or where to turn. I have to have some answer soon. 
Well I heard from my dear friend Kate was so happy to get her e-mail. Will call it a night and sent this out. God Bless you all
 
 

Sunday July 11, 1999

Got up at 7:30am I did sleep really well got dressed and ate breakfast. We have to take 
Tom over to his dad's they are leaving for Bermuda on a gold trip. Then we went to Office Max and bought a new printer Lexmark it is very nice. Then went to lunch at Applebee's. Had ribs and chicken wings very good. Then our journey for the rest of
the day was looking at houses. We sure looked at a lot all kinds and in all price ranges. Really narrowed it down to two. We didn't get home till 7:00 PM I called to see how Chuck was and he was taking a nap so I didn't get to talk to him. Will call tomorrow and make sure I talk to him. We ate dinner then hooked up the printer it works great. Got Paige ready for bed and will relax for awhile. Called my sister in Penna. Told her I will be out Friday for the family reunion on Sunday then I will be back here at my daughter's till I pick up Chuck on Tuesday then I will go home. It will start all over again getting him use to the girls coming in for his showers. It is really hard to try to make plans of where he should be. I should know something from the social worker by next Tuesday when I pick Chuck up. I gave a testimony at church Tuesday night about the Internet there is a lot of negative stories but I wanted them to know that I have gotten a lot of support from people on the internet they have been a life line to me. A lot of good has come out of it people have help me with my Web Site and taken my poem and posted them at there Alzheimer's Site's. They were very impressed to hear such a good report that we pray for one another and open each day with prayer and close with prayed and a song. I have heard from a few of my friends today really enjoy hearing from
them. Will close tonight and go to bed it is 10:30 PM Jesus has given me strength to face today. Good night.

Monday July 12,1999

I really slept good didn't get till 7:30am it has been a long time since I have been able to sleep straight through. Got cleaned up ate breakfast and will face the day. Paige stayed home with me today we cleaned up the house. Went to the store for a few things for dinner. We went over to the church with Denise for awhile then came home. A man was coming to spray around the house for black carpenter ants. Got that all done and took a nap for a few hours. Up now waiting for Denise to come home from work and we will eat and go look at a few homes that we missed yesterday.
Called the VA and talked to Chuck it was good to hear his voice but he didn't know who I was. I asked him how he was doing and he said I got troubles. I said what kind of troubles well I guess he has a hard time going to the bathroom the diaper on. I have the ones with the straps and they are easier for him. But it was no major problem the nurse said he wants to lay in bed all day. Of course they won't let him and since he can find his room the have the bed rails up so he doesn't craw into bed all the time. They said they keep him up late. That is unusual because he wants to go to sleep early. But he does nap in the TV room and was going to take a nap now. We don't have much to say but I still need to touch base with him every day. Paige was such a good girl today don't even know she is around she plays and is so quiet. It is a joy to watch her.
Denise came home we had dinner and she was watching two little girls till there mother picks them up at 7:30 so we weren't able to go look at houses. Made appointments for tomorrow after work. Went to get hair color and stopped at Ames didn't buy anything. 
Came home it is almost 10:00 PM going to call it a night and go to bed. So glad that I am able to keep the journal up and sent it out to be put on my journal. 
Another day tomorrow angles watching over me.

Tuesday, July 13, 1999

Got up at 6:30 am couldn't sleep anymore had some disturbing dreams last night. Made me nervous.. each time I would go back to sleep they would continue. Ate breakfast and got Paige ready for the field trip to the park today. Took her over to the Church and visit with Denise for a few minutes. Came home curled my hair and my sister from Penn called and we talked they miss me since my sister from Arizona is their. Told them I would be in Friday till Sunday. Saturday is my nephews and brother-in -law's birthday and we all are going out to eat Saturday  at 5:00pm. They ordered a cake already for the both of them. My sister Ellen told me they were going to grill out chicken and steak she told me she wish I was there. But if Tom wasn't away and my daughter wanted me here so that she didn't have to travel to the reunion by herself. So that is why I stayed here but still will have enough time to enjoy ourselves and talk.
Washed clothes have the place all cleaned up and cleaning out the little girls closet and getting rid of a lot of clothes she out grew. That's a big job won't finish it today but want to take some of the clothes to Goodwill later. I'm tired and going to take a  little nap. Well got a call from the Social Worker won't get into it right now but things are moving along. I really felt sad and cried so hard that I got sick I had to go and lay down for awhile. I can't explain right now but it is very hard for me to handle. It is 8:30 PM and I will close for now and look for a new day tomorrow. I had a dream about a week ago and will enclose it now for you to read and things are falling into place.
Goodnight …..Jesus is watching over Chuck and I and he is doing fine today.
 
 

Wednesday, July 14, 1999

It is 6:30 am I didn't sleep well last night up three times crying dreaming about Chuck too much on my mind and I hurt so for Chuck's and my life. I guess I have to do what is best for him. Oh God help me to be making the right decision right now. I miss him so want to see him he has always been with me in making big the decisions in our life of 46 years. I don't want to be crying all day because of  talking with the Social Worker yesterday. My legs have been going numb and my back hurts so bad I know it's  emotional.  I have to get my life and feelings under control or I won't last long. I know they are looking out for my health and also what is best for Chuck but it doesn't make me feel any better. I will call the Social Worker today and find out more details it is 7:30 am I'm going back to lie down. I am up again now Paige stayed home with me and she is such a good girl. I was crying and she came into the room and said what is wrong grandma I told her I was crying about grandpa she gave me a big hug. We had lunch
some good home made Chicken soup with home made dumpling really good. I heard from some of my friends from my support group with good advise and encouragement and prayer. I thank God for them they have been so supportive to me and to other's
going through the same thing. Having to place a love one in a Nursing Home.
My daughter told me not to worry about it that they still have a long wait it won't happen that fast. I called and talked to Chuck is tells me he is fine the nurse said
everything is ok with him. I have to believe it is true I told him I love him and he said he loves me too. But he didn't really know who I was. But I will go see him before I go to Penn this weekend for the family reunion.
I will use this time to rest and do some of the things I wasn't able to do before. Going to take a nap now it is 3:30Pm The phone rang and woke me up and it was the social worker he told me they extended the respite care so that I could get some much need rest emotionally he asked me if I felt better about it today. I told him I did and I had talked to Chuck and he was fine and didn't even know me but I told him I loved him and 
would be into see him tomorrow he was happy to hear that. Denise, Paige and I went to Bakers Square and ate dinner and had a good piece of home made pie. Then we went to Church it was a good message on listening to the Holy Spirit after I went up to be prayed for and cried. I know God has things under control I just have to get a hold of myself and I am trying and will do better. Told the Pastor about my dream and will give him a copy of it Heaven's Meadows it was seven days and the social worker called a said they were going to extend Chuck's respite stay just like in my dream he promised me peace and rest. That was an answer to prayer. Heard from my friends in my support group today that was a blessing. Will close now and get some sleep. God Bless you all...
 
 

Good Morning to you all, I woke up at 6:30AM I rested pretty well only got up once a little after 3:00am. Will pamper myself today and see what the day holds for me want to get ready for our trip to Penn for the family reunion Sunday. Printed out a copy of Carolyn's Dream Heaven's Meadow's for Denise to give to MaryLee the Pastor.
Denise left for work and Paige went on a field trip Bowling the phone rang it was a little after 9:00am it was the VA the nurse said Chuck wanted to talk to me. He wanted to know who this was I said your wife Caroline. He said ok I asked what was wrong he said I can't go anywhere when are you coming out. I told him today after Denise gets off work we would be out to see you, he seemed ok with that answer. We talked I tried
to explain that he was in respite care so that I can get some rest to be able to take care of him again. That I was going to a reunion in Penn this weekend I tried to talk to him normal about things but don't know how much he understood I feel bad but can't change anything. He asked about his mom I'm not sure he means his mother or me she died a long time ago over thirty years. 
Went with Denise she had to get something's done before the trip tomorrow. We didn't get home till 4:30 and she had to go back to work. So now I am writing in my journal it was a busy day we stopped and had lunch and picked up Tom's bracelet at the jewelry store. She is tired but I still want  to go see Chuck before we leave tomorrow for Pennsylvanian Denise just called and we are going to leave at 5:00 PM so I guess I
won't rest now but when we get back have to pack things for tomorrow. Went to see Chuck he was happy to see me I brought him some donuts and candy and gum, we talked he was scared and I talked to the nurse and told her that he was afraid of one of the workers and I talked to him and he said Chuck was wandering and wanted go out the door and he told him he couldn't. I think we got it all straighten out and I had Chuck feeling better before I left. I told him about the reunion and he wanted to go
with me. I told him he was in a good place and they were taking good care of him, and if he had a problem to tell me and I would fix it. He was content with that I gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I love him I will be back Sunday. We left it was very hard for me I cried oh God I pray that you find a way that I can get more help at home. I still 
want him with me I miss him so. This is another day in the life of a Caregiver who's spouse has Dementia or Alzheimer's what ever you want to call it.  It is the most terrible decease I can think of it robs you of your mate, you're best friend, your lover, your husband everything I have live for in the forty six years of marriage. It is late now and I will close and get some rest had a busy day and an emotional one at that. Goodnight... Jesus is watching over you.
 
 

Friday July 16,1999

Got up early as Denise had to go into work did something's around the house  and got my suitcase packed for out trip. Paige stayed home with me she is such a joy to have around. Talked to Chuck before I left and told VA where I would be he is doing
fine. He wanted to go with me but I told him he was in respite care and I need a break he was fine with that. Worked on the computer then went over to church Denise got off work early and we started to Penn go on the turnpike wanted to get home before 6:00pm .We stopped by home I picked up my mail then we left got on the turnpike and it was bumper to bumper there was a baseball game in Pittsburgh we didn't get home till after 8:00pm. We ate a lot of good food my sister had and we visit with all the family. All and all it was a very busy and good day everyone was fine and looked great. Went to bed around 11:00pm all is well I thank God for a good day. Goodnight 

Saturday July 17, 1999

Woke up around 7:30am Ellen and Loretta were up took a shower and ready o face the day. We are going over to Uniontown to go shopping and stop at my sister's house around 10:00am We left for Uniontown and got to my sister's house and her daughter
Debbie gave me a beautiful 14 kt gold coin ring that say's Jesus loves me this I know.
On the inside it says to love one another as I love you John 15:12.  I cried it was so touching I felt that God was telling me he was there for me it was a conformation from him. It is special to me I will treasure it always. The we went to Gabs and shopped then went to Shoney's and ate lunch then went to Wal-Mart and home. Later that evening we went to a restaurant for dinner celebrating Elmer's and Barry's birthday there were 20 of us. I took pictures and we had a big cake chocolate and white it was very good. We all have a good time being with family. I was sorry that Chuck was not with me I miss him so life is not the same. We came home and sat and talk till about 10:00pm I went to sleep another day gone by. The days are flying by so fast can't keep up with everything. I thank the Lord for my family the are so good to me. Well the family reunion is tomorrow and will see a lot of relatives that I haven't seen for years or maybe never had seen at all will take pictures. Good night Jesus is watching over me.

Sunday July 18, 1999

Had a good sleep always sleep well at Ellen's house Chuck just loves her so. I will take him sometime just for the day and then come home. Everyone was up this is the big day of the reunion. We ate breakfast and were getting ready we had to be over by 11:00am to have the pictures taken. My brother came down and I went with him I never get to spend much time with him. We had a good time, good food; a lot of fun took pictures won prizes talked with other relatives. Found out I have a cousin that lives about 20 minutes from me that is great to know. Well Denise and I had to leave it was 3:00pm and head back home got home around 5:00pm took the turnpike it was nice. She dropped me off and went on home then later found out I didn't have all my stuff that I had bought or my reunion picture. I called her later but she still didn't unpack so I will get it later. I was tired but I talked to Chuck he is doing well so I went to bed. Thank you Lord for a wonderful day with family. Nite 
 
 

Monday July19, 1999

Woke up at 5:30am did something's around the house took a shower and fix yself up to get ready to face the day. I really feel that a lot of stress has been lifted off of me. I am getting rested and feel a lot better, no pressure I work at my own pace. Peggy called, we went for breakfast at Dino's at 9:00am they have good food. Then I went to Wal-Mart and talked with the senior's citizen in our  group since I was gone for awhile. Spent most of the morning there one senior gave me a penny that had a bear cut out of the center they know I love bears. I will keep it with me always.  Went to the store bought some groceries came home put the garbage out and was going over to Lil's change my mind and came into the house. The phone rang it was the VA Chuck was telling them that I had died they wanted to reassure him that I as ok. I told him I was fine and he wanted to know where home was and I told him. He wanted to come home I told him I will be up to see him soon. He didn't want me to be alone I told him I will be going back up to Denise. He seems ok with that I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. I cried later but is good for me I feel better but I just didn't want to talk or do anything I felt numb and out of place. I worked on the computer for awhile and talked to my nephew then went to bed. Another day gone in the live of a caregiver trying to get rested up. Thank you Jesus for all you have done for me I love you.

Tuesday, July 20, 1999

Woke up at 7:00am took a shower and worked around the house didn't want to go anywhere. Went later to get the mail and balanced the checkbook and paid some bills and just relaxed. Lil call me and we talked then Tom my son-on-law called wanted to see how everything was I said fine. He told me that VA had called there yesterday. I told him they called me that Chuck is fine he just was confused and thought that I had died. But I told him I was fine and would be up to see him soon. Mary stopped by and we worked on the computer it is fine now so far. Going to go eat with the seniors tonight the want to go to a computer meeting if I am not to tired well it is time to go get ready more later.  Went out to eat with the senior's enjoyed my self left the restaurant then went to a computer meeting learn a few things I didn't know. Donated some HD disk to the club so they can make copies of Netzero a free Internet program for the club members. Came home around 9:00pm took a shower then Denise called to see how I was doing. I told her fine and I would try to find my way up to see Chuck tomorrow or Thursday. She said fine she was tired I told her I couldn't find the reunion
picture but she didn't unpack the car yet. I went on the computer to see if there was anyone to talk to on Alzwell but decided to finish my journal and go to bed it is almost 11:00pm It was a busy day but I did enjoy it and will try to get some sleep.
Oh Lord, I do long for that day in my life when I will be strong and able to handle things that come into my life. The day that I reach spiritual maturity and can rest in the arms of God not defeated by the world, but a victor in Christ. Amen. 
 
 

Wednesday July 21, 1999

Didn't get to bed till late I did sleep but had a hard time with it. Woke up at 4:30am a lot of things on my mind. It is 5:30am and I will try to go back to bed. Wonder how the day will go it will be a long day for sure. I wonder way Lord people can't really express there self to friends…it is like they don't listen it goes over there heads they just don't bother…do we keep things to ourselves and not share how we feel. I believe there would be a lot less trouble in the world if people would take the time to listen what is being said. The devil has them so busy they feel they don't have the time. But time is what they do have right now. Well it is said everyone has his or her troubles that are true but
we can make the burden lighter. The phone rang it was Peggy wanted me to come over for breakfast it was 7:30am I was still sleeping. I told her not today I was going up to
Wal-Mart for birthday cake at 9:30 so we are going to take a ride so I can learn how to get up there. Leaving for Wal-Mart now it is 9:00am. Well there was a lot of senior there this morning the birthday cake was beautiful. Dorothy played the piano and we sang happy birthday. Norma cut the cake and I passed it out to everyone. I went around and talked to everyone and passed out ink pins and natural flavored fruit candy. Took
pictures of the birthday peoples then went to get them developed one hour. It also had the reunion pictures on it. Sat around and talked had coffee spilled on my white slacks and new blouse so had to come home to change it before I pick Peggy up to go see Chuck. It was an accident the man felt bad but I told him it was ok don't worry about anything. I bought Chuck a new jacked it was on sale it is really nice. I left went
home and called Peggy picked her up after I washed the clothes. Didn't have any trouble getting up to Brecksville took the turnpike I think I can do it now my self. Was nervous at first found Chuck in his room on the bed he was happy to see me. We went into the dinning room to talk stayed about an hour called Denise wanted her to come over but she had church tonight and was going to look at a house. So we left Chuck did not ask to come home with me I gave him a hug and kissed him and told him I love him. He said he loves me to. I also told him I wouldn't be home the weekend going with Peggy to Southern Ohio to see Kim. He was ok with that so I left when I got into the car I cried it is very hard for me and yet he seems fine. Oh God is this the way it will be the rest of my life… alone don't know if I can stand it. Dropped Peggy of and went to get gas then came home. Called Lil and told her I had been up to see Chuck. Heard from a few of my computer friends very supportive to me. But still confused over a letter I had received really didn't understand it. I guess I am just mixed up myself.  Oh well I am tired now going to go lay down think I will call it a night it is 7:00pm I know I am depressed and I will not talked to anyone about it anymore they don't understand. They will just tell you that you will get over it. I will keep my thoughts to myself. Thank you Lord for a great day and getting to see Chuck I love him so and miss him very much. It is 6:00pm went an took a nap slept for about an hour the phone rang it was Joann she lost her husband awhile back we talk… I cried. After I hung up the phone I came into the computer room and cried out to God… I hurt so bad and am lonely…I want my life back the way it use to be normal. Calling it a night it is 9:00pm going to bed.
Thank you Jesus for everything today.

Thursday, July 22, 199

It is 1:00am I woke up couldn't sleep so came in to check the e-mail heard from a few friends. They have been very supportive to me going through the stages of Alzheimer's with Chuck. But also helping me cope with my feeling of lose and it is a lose it is like being a widow losing your mate and no one can help heal the hurt you feel and the empty space that will always be there knowing that something is missing in you.  A
part that no one can every fill again a life of many years of struggles, hurts, happiness, working to survive, working to raise the children. Going back to bed now and try to rest. I don't want to get myself sick then I will not be good to anyone or myself. My eyes are so red and swollen I know Chuck would not like seeing me like this. I have to get a
grip on my life whatever it is to be from now on and face it. I know what I should do but being able to do it is another thing. I have such heaviness on my heart this morning. I am suppose to have rest and be relieved from stress but being alone has put more stress on me. It's gets harder for me to face this everyday. It makes me realize that further on
down the road it is going to be lonely. Before if he was in the hospital I knew he would be back and things would be find. This time I know things will never be the same again. What a waste of life Alzheimer's surely does strip you of who you are and your  life.
Woke up again around 7:00am staying up for the day posted the morning wake up call on Passage and wrote a poem called "Share The Lord. Do not seek"
Just what is on my heart today? I will try to do better and cry less with the Lord's help and strength. I think I have it all together then I fall apart. My daughter Denise called and we talked bless her heart she is faithful and keeps in touch with me. She encourages me that things will get better. She will go see her dad Sunday I was happy to hear that. Got dressed and went to Dino's for breakfast the breakfast group was
there sat and talked to Betty then decided to go to Highway Church for a seniors day but hadn't been there for a long time. Chuck and I use to go every Thursday but the main door was locked. I left and went to Wal-Mart again and seen some seniors and sat and talked for a few hours relaxing. Left and went to get the mail then came home. Will eat something and take a short nap I am doing better today. The phone woke me up it was my granddaughter (Sommer) called me and told me about the baby shower in
August and wants me to come down with her mom I told her I would try. This is my first great grand child it will be a boy I already crochet a baby blanket and bought a lot of things for it. Got some e-mail today and support for me from my friends it made me feel good. I know I am not the only person going through a hard time and I will make it. It just takes time for the transition to take place and I can feel comfortable. I thank the Lord for this day that he has brought me through each day I know I will get stronger. Praise Jesus the end of another day.

Friday July 23, 1999

Didn't sleep to well last night. It was midnight before I fell asleep. Woke up at 5:30 am go out of be to get ready to go down Southern, Ohio with Peggy. She came 6:15 am we left at 6:30 am. It was a hazy morning. It was a nice drive about 4 hours. We stopped at Mac Donald's in Byersvilles, Ohio at 10:30 am and had breakfast. Arrived at Kim in Pomeroy, Ohio at 10:30 am. Kim and Bryan just came back from picking fresh tomato's and corn. It is very hot today 95 they just have fans better than nothing. Using ice drinks to keep cool. We went to Kroger and Dollar General to get a few things. Came home going to eat dinner it is 5:30 PM. I already ate two tomatoes very good can't get any fresher then right of the vine. Kim has a nice place it is country like a huge kitchen and has 5 acres of land. Well we are done eating time to relax haven't cried. It is good to be around people it takes your mind off other things. I wonder how Chuck is doing? Prayed for him today and miss his so. It is 7:00 PM took a cold shower and I am resting watching TV. The rest went outside but I am comfortable here and trying to keep cool.
It is 9:00 PM watching a Hallmark move it is very good and it is cooling down now.
It was a good day Praise God. Michele sang a song it was called "Stand" she has a very beautiful voice. She will sing Sunday night in church she is seventeen and a fine and beautiful Christian girl. Well got tired of watching TV can't keep my eyes open anymore going to sleep. Will finish watching it tomorrow. Told everyone goodnight went to bed it was really hot, hot, hot, Thank you Lord for a wonderful day and giving us a safe trip. Be with Chuck this weekend pray all goes well. Love you Lord.

Saturday July 24, 1999

Woke up at 6:30am took a shower and wash my hair it was so hot that it wouldn't keep a curl in it. Went back to bed and slept till 7:30 had breakfast had fresh tomatoes and a tomato bagel very good. Woke up three times last night it was to hot. Peggy is making a home made apple pie and Kim is making fresh cinnamon rolls my favorite. Everything is made from scratch. The kitchen is the old fashion kind but modern where we all set around the kitchen table to eat and talk. There are seven of us Kim is a lot like the Amish she does all her own canning and grounds up the flour makes her own jelly and jams everything is fresh. We are having fried chicken today; fresh corn, potatoes, gravy, and pie home made biscuits. We went to Gallipolis, Ohio to shop at Wal-Mart nice and cool in there and they had Christian group singing I really liked it. Thank you lord for letting me be a part of this family for the weekend it is a nice breaking away. It is something different Kim and Peg are like busy beavers in the kitchen. The cinnamon rolls are done and I just ate one very good. We had bacon, eggs, homemade biscuits, and a very good breakfast. We also stopped at Krogers, for jars and lids for canning. Came home had something to eat took a nap it is so hot. I don't think I have every been in such hot weather before. Slept till 4:30pm it is cooler in my room then went put cold water on my feet and ankles to cool off. Went to Pomeroy and got some ice and ice cream for the Pie we ate dinner. Denise called to see how we were doing want to take me to a Trout farm to fish Sunday they are having a birthday party told her I would see.
Took a shower and then thank Kin & Bryan for having me here for the weekend I enjoyed my self. Went to bed all is quiet Thank you Lord for a wonderful day.

Sunday July 25,1999

I really did get rested up and now the trip home it is 7:30 am took a shower and got dressed packed my things I am ready to leave. The hospitality was great and I am surprise I rested so well. This is a Christian home and a lot of love in it you can feel it. The children are very good and mannerly they help do things around the house. It was very refreshing reminded me of when I was a kid back home with my mother and dad. You were to respect your elders and these children did. Ate breakfast then got the stuff in the car and told our goodbye's and we were on our way. It was a beautiful morning and a nice trip we stopped at a flea market and I bought some tomatoes to can. Then went to a big fruit market and got a lot of fresh fruit. Stopped and ate lunch in an Italian restaurant it was a break. Then we just took our time was no hurry to get home.
Stopped at Dot's & Bills help cut up peppers, onions, and cucumbers for canning. Left about 5:00 PM stopped had an ice cream cone, butter pecan my favorite got home around 6:30 PM. Denise called and told me she went to see Chuck he is doing fine he did not even ask about me. I felt bad but he is content so it is better that way. She had taken him in some fruit and he had eaten all his dinner. So that ended my day heard from some of my friends on e-mail went to bed. I thank you Jesus for this day and a good night sleep. 
 
 

Got up at 7:30 am took a shower and curled my hair, Lil called we talked and the man that trims the trees called he is starting on them today. Got dressed went to get the mail stopped, talked to Myrtle she showed me her beautiful home. Went to Wal-Mart talked to Norma, Ed, Mary, and Bonnie and her husband didn't stay long had to get home and do something's. So I left around 12:00 noon and just hung around the house still didn't do the tomatoes. Want to go see Chuck but will try later on the day it is to hot outside. So I got caught up on my journal and sent it will go take a nap. Well I feel like I am moving in slow motion don't feel like doing anything. The trees are half done they will come back at the end of the week so far what they have done looks nice.
Denise called we talked they are going to look at a few houses.  Stopped at Lil had dinner with them then went to an Alzheimer's meeting needed to get out and talk to them on some things enjoyed myself. Came home around 9:00pm Peg called we are going to have breakfast in the morning. Still didn't do the tomatoes but gave some to Lil and will take some to Denise. Didn't get to go see Chuck will try tomorrow……then
wanting to get a perm tomorrow night. Going to bed now had a good day will rest and see what tomorrow brings. Thank you again Jesus for getting me threw this day…
 
 

Woke up this morning at 5:00 am took a shower and got dressed then prepared the tomatoes for canning.  Then went to Dino's for breakfast talked to the seniors breakfast group. Called the Alzheimers chapter for some information wrote a few e-mails going to go see Chuck. Well I went by my self and Praise God I made it this is a big deal for me
to drive by my self. Chuck was happy to see me and we sat and talked till it was lunchtime. He cried said he wanted to see his mom and dad but I told him again that they are not here. But he still insisted he wanted to see them. I was told he is doing very well he is not pacing the floor like he use to, he is content now. He was clean and shaved I put some after-shave lotion on him and he smiled. I told him how handsome he was and hugged him it made him feel great. He is eating well took some fruit and a big ripe tomato and he ate it for lunch. The nurse Sue told me he seen the dentist and his teeth are ok we couldn't find his tooth brush and they told me he gets a new about every
other day. They do not know what happen to them. But he knew about it because he told me he didn't have one. The nurse is going to buzz his hair next week and will see the nails are clipped when needed. If he needs a podiatrist before he comes home they will take care of it. Sue took care of him last year and has gotten attach to him and he likes her. He will dance with her and she gives him big hugs. He didn't ask to come home but said he misses me and I told him I would be back up Sunday he was fine with that and wanted to lay down. So I left to come home I did great I surprised myself I thank Jesus for given me strength It was very hard for me to leave. I can't wait till he comes home but I know I still need the time to rest. I didn't want to cry when
he was crying but I really felt sad. Going out with the Wal-Mart group to eat at an Italian restaurant at 5:00pm. Came home from eating spaghetti not many showed up I feel sad since I came home from seeing Chuck didn't really enjoy myself. I guess that can be expected. Took a shower talked to Lil and then got on the computer to check the e-mail. Going to bed early I am tired had a long day been up since 5:00am so I
will close for another day and get some rest. Thank you Lord for giving me strength to get through this day.
 
 

Woke up around 6:30 am had a good sleep ready to face the day. Don't have anything planned so will clean up the house. Then later go to Wal-Mart and talk with the senior's citizens. I thank you Lord for giving me the strength to go on I feel stronger
every day. Came home took a nap then got up and went to get a perm. Two of the girls
that take care of Chuck called today said that they missed him and wonder
how he is doing. Not much happen today wrote some e-mail to friends and family and have a lot of question and no answers. Talked to Denise they will be having a party for Paige and two other cousins' Sunday. Not sure when I will go up have to get the trees finished trimming,  Want to be here so I can see if they are done right. Next weekend we will go down to the baby shower don't look forward to the long trip but I'm sure it will be ok. I am starting a book about subjects that people think about but don't talk about them. Will get some input from my support group. Well talked to Debbie in Pa on ICQ now it is time to call it a day and go to bed get some rest. I thank you Lord for another day of rest in the Life of an Alzheimer's wife. 
 
 

I woke up at around 5:00am didn't fall asleep till 1:00am had a bad storm. The electric was off for over an hour so glad I was sleeping. Things are different when you are alone. Took a shower and fix my hair getting ready to face the day. Answered my e-mail the computer is a comfort to me and I can keep in touch with other people going through the  same thing as I am Alzheimer's. The man came to finish up trimming the trees they look nice and are done for another year. Walked up on the hill of our property haven't done that for a long time. The apples trees are full and the will have a lot of
pears also their will be a lot of grapes this year. Chuck planted them over 30 years ago and was so proud of them. I picked an apple to take up to him to eat they are very good. Will have the man prune the grape vines before winter so that next year they will be good. Also will spray the trees might as well take care of them. We walked around the property two acres and mark the metal stakes of the property line just in case I would
want to sell this place. I did a lot of work in the house cleaning things that were not done for awhile it looks nice. I thank the Lord that he is keeping me in good health to be able to do this entire thing. Peggy called and we talked didn't feel like going any where today to hot out side and cool in my place. Peg called again and we went to Phar-mor then to the Korner to eat dinner it was very good. Came home took a shower and Mary called and helped me with the computer I don't know what I did but things weren't working like they should. So she helped me and it is back to normal. Will go to bed early tonight am tired and want to rest. I thank you Lord for a good day and I pray for Chuck and all my friends watch over them. Goodnight 

Good Morning World I slept latter then usual but feel fine so I go up and got dressed ready to face the day. Send out some e-mail then went to breakfast with the seniors but since I was late most had already left. Betty and a few others still there stayed till I got done eating. Then went to Wal-Mart no one there but a few of the men you see I was late this morning. I usually am an early riser but this morning must have needed the rest. Went to K-mart also and bought a few things then came home. Peg called and we went to Alliance got some groceries and then I got home around 5:00 PM nothing exciting happen today. It just is so hot out side that is why I like to stay in where it is cool. I forgot to tell you when the men were trimming the trees there were a nest with two eggs in it belonging to a morning dove. I also saw the dove in the morning's
when I would leave and say to it good morning....... morning dove. I didn't know there was a nest in the back that is why I would hear it all the time by my bed room window. So now I know and I thank the Lord for all the beautiful birds I have around here in the trees. I always told Chuck that they had condo build out there in the pine trees that is why I never wanted to cut them down and they are so big…
Am going on my journey tomorrow to see my loving husband Chuck all is going well they haven't called me. I will be going for a few will come in and out all week at different times. Well another day has gone by and I am getting stronger and feel a lot
better and excited about a new project I have started……So I will close for the day and call it another blessed day. I thank you Lord for all my friends that have stood by me when I was weak they help me get strong.  God Bless and angles watching over you as you sleep.

Woke up this morning around 5:00 am stay up got things ready to go to Denise. Took a shower got dressed Peg called and wanted to know what I was doing today told her I was going to Denise she told be to have a good time and be careful. hen went to breakfast at Dino's with the seniors breakfast club. Sat and talked then took off for my journey to see Chuck it was about 9:45 am. Made it to VA in Brecksville it was a good trip I am proud on myself it is getting easier for me. 
Walk in Chuck's room he was laying on the bed and was so happy to see me he got up and we walk into the dining room. He was clean and shaved I wasn't going up till Sunday so this was a surprise. We sat and talked and I shared with him what I was doing and that the trees were all trimmed. Then Denise and Paige came and it was lunchtime so he had a good lunch. I wanted to say they didn't have the diaper on him because he knows when to go to the bathroom during the day and the diaper was hard for him to take down. He does really well with out them but does have to have the pj
change every once in a while that is what the girl told me. I also notice that he seem more alert I pray that things change we left and he was fine told him I will be close to him this week. We came home then got ready for the swimming party over at Tom's sister house. It was a beautiful and a very hot day a lot of people were there I decided to go into the pool the first time in years. It was fun had good food and laughed left around 6:30pm a big storm coming our way. We got home then went to Marc for some groceries and card left it was closing come home got ready for bed it was 10:00 PM Goodnight am really tired and I thank you Lord for a wonderful day and getting me here safe. I love you Jesus.