MyAngryList

I couldn't sleep been up since 2:00 am and as you know with tears in my
eyes.
I just try to understand about this terrible disease but the ANGER gets
the best of me. I guess I have to voice it and then try to let it go
keeping it inside only is hurting me and then I won't be able to go
forward. I know this and am trying to DO the best I can.
I guess if I was to be honest with myself I just feel so much ANGER
inside that I have to go through this valley alone. But I am not alone
there are a lot of people out their going through the same thing.

Not sure you all would understand but I will voice it anyway.

THIS IS MY ANGRY LIST:
I am angry at Chuck, because he left me alone,
I am angry at myself because I can't handle it.
I am angry at God because he could change things,
I am angry at people because they don't understand.
I am angry at my son because he has not been here for me.
I am angry at the word Alzheimer’s it stole my life from me.
I am angry because they have not found a cure for it.
Right now I am angry at the whole world.
I hate to have to put on a happy face when I am not.
I want to be ME right now this is my Feelings expressed, and MINE alone.
How can I get better if I never face up to the things that are bothering?
me.
If I could have one wish or dream I would choose to have this terrible
disease wiped completely away. I would like to go back in time to the
place where I had never heard the word Alzheimer's. I hate that word and
am ANGRY because of it.
There has not been too many things in my life that got me really upset
But this I have to say is the NIGHTMARE of my life. I can't seem to wake up
from it. It is over and over in my mind WHY, WHY, WHY, but I can't find
an answer.
NOW COME ON.... I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE FEELING THE SAME WAY I
AM. I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS AN ANGRY LIST:
Let your voice be heard:

Now that I have gotten rid of all the anger and voiced how I really
felt.
I can turn it all over to the Lord and let the HEALING take place. How
can I have JOY an PEACE in my heart with so much anger. Now is the time
to release it and go forward and face the things I can not change. To go
forward and try to make a difference in someone else's life.

Since I got rid of the ANGRY list then I will replace it with
DO list.
DO all I can to try to make a difference in some one else's life.
DO what I can to try to get things changed.
DO whatever I can to have the Voice of the Caregivers heard.
DO whatever I can to make MY Love one happy.
DO whatever I can to see HE gets good care.
DO whatever I can to see that my son has a different attitude
DO whatever I can to make people understand this disease
I will DO, DO, DO, WHATEVER IT TAKES to try to make a difference.
Now that I have said all that I feel a whole lot better:
God Bless
Ladydove
Carolyn Haynali
9/25/99 ©